As we start sleep training

I found this post that I never published from two years ago.  Funny timing because I am staring sleep training in the face with Noelle and was just saying I never had to sleep train Will because he never cried when I put him down.  Time blurs the bad.  Today William you are my best champion sleeper.  Maybe two years from now I'll be sure Noelle never screamed during sleep training too.
Dear Will,

I wonder if you know while you stare up at me crying because I have put you down in your crib to fall asleep yet again that I hate it, if possible, even more then you do. I wonder if you know how much I used to know about babies but six years have erased. I wonder if you hear when I call your aunt and ask for advice because I seem to have forgotten that some days parenting means saying no, and dealing with the tears, not only from your brother but from you too sweet boy. I wonder if you know how hard that is after waiting for you for so long. I wonder if you know that all I want to say is yes, always, but I want more for you to be the strong baby, boy, man you need to be even if that means today is miserable. Dearest baby I wonder if you know ever how many prayers were offered to being you here.  I wonder if you know how much you were needed in our family.

I wonder if you will ever have even the slightest idea of how much I love you.
Love, Mom