Change

Moving away from the only home Jack has ever known, and the only friends he has ever had has provided our family with a lot of teaching moments. I am trying to teach Jack that even though it hurts to be away from our family and friends, that feeling also makes us the luckiest people on earth because it means that there are people in this world that we love so very deeply and who love us just the same.

Jack can communicate so well that it's easy for me to forget that he's only two. So although he may be able to tell me that his heart hurts, or he feels bad inside and wants to hold my hand, but he doesn't know how to fix it. Even worse, he doesn't know why I don't know how to fix it for him. I'm twenty-six years older then him and just a few days ago when Maryanne called to ask me for directions to our tailor I burst into tears on the phone and had to sob out directions through my apologies. If just hearing a voice from home could reduce me to tears (and I understand why we had to move) then how must it feel to be two and stripped of all of the things that helped you understand and process the world around you.

So as Jack has been struggling these last few weeks, I have had to remind myself that he's struggling because he is trying to re-figure out who he is. Today he is Jack, who lives far from his Adda and Poppi, doesn't get to play with Zoe, Ben, Connor or Julia anymore, lives in San Diego ("off of Camino Del Norte" as he tells passer-byers), loves cars and is learning how to make new friends and not tackle people. And I am Ana, Zack's wife, Jack's mother, work from homer, doesn't get to play with Maryanne, Becky, Kim, Sherry, Carol and Jessica anymore, lives in San Diego and is learning how to make new friends and not tackle people.

Change is hard. But we take our memories of all we left behind with us. Always.

The Sweet San Diego Life

It feels like someone has hit the fast forward button on our lives. Dani and Sean's visit was wonderful. I have always wondered how much Jack does or doesn't think Dani and I look like each other. During their visit, Dani told me when she would walk into the room, Jack would look up at her and ask, "Hey are you Adda, or are you Momma?" I guess that answers that question.

My mom came into town the day after Dani and Sean left. It was awful timing on all levels except for the fact that it helped Jack recover the disappointment of Adda and Poppi leaving. Jack had been walking around with his head hung so far down into his chest and every few moments moaning pathetically to let me (and the world) know how sad he was that Dani and Sean had left. He told me his belly missed Adda and Poppi. (Lately "Jack's belly" is who I hear most of his feelings from. Momma, my belly is so big, I can't eat another bite, Momma, my belly hurts I need to play a computer game or watch another show, Momma, my belly needs you to hold me, Momma, my belly is sad because Adda and Poppi left...) His sadness was put on hold when we picked up Grandma at the airport. He was super excited to have Grandma stay for a week, and only once did he look over at her and say, "Grandma, I'm going to pretend that you're Adda okay?" Luckily, Grandma wasn't offended and agreed that he could pretend she was whatever he wanted.

During my mom's stay we took Jack on his first trip to Sea World. He loved the Shamu show, but got very upset to learn that I possessed no secret powers capable of making the dolphins splash us. Towards the end of the day we found our way to the rides portion of Sea World which delighted Jack to no end. Grandma bought Jack a Shamu who is now the newest resident of Jack's crib which incidentally is being overrun with wildlife. The day I told Jack Grandma was leaving he broke down into full on tears. It was heartbreaking for me, for her and of course for Jack. Even the cookies she left him for the ride home didn't interest him. It has been a long week since she left and I am grateful that we head up to Santa Clara this weekend to see Dani and Sean and all of our dear wonderful friends. Jack (and I) are so excited!

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks:

Jack "smiling" for the camera on our first ever "Jack & Momma Movie Day" where we filled our bellies with popcorn and watched Mickey movie after Mickey movie and stayed in our pjs all day. Around 1pm our neighbors knocked on the door and Nicky came in to play with Jack while Danny and I talked for an hour and a half. Then we took the party next door to their house and ended up hanging out till 4:30. It is so wonderful to find out how much the boys like each other and how much I truly enjoy hanging out with Nicky's mom, Danny. Hey, I may have a friend here after all...



Jack (and Poppa) discovered dominos. Zack spent way too long on this, but Jack loved it way too much for it to matter!



Jack and Momma at Sea World on Jack's favorite ride



Grandma and Jack playing in a band together



Jack climbing around like a monkey on the sky ride at Sea World



The Shamu Show (which I actually got all teared up at. Something about remembering it as a little girl and now sitting there with this amazing little answer to all my prayers angel in my arms, and realizing that someday he will probably bring his own children. Sappy? yes, true? Unfortunately.)





Jack and Momma touching [read Jack touching, Momma trying very hard to not let Jack see that I am both completely disgusted at the idea of touching them, and not entirely convinced they won't bite my/Jack's hand off] the manta rays. Jack loved this exhibit!







We spotted a carnival type thing off the freeway and decided to stop. It turned out to be a pumpkin patch with rides. Jack and Grandma jumped in the bounce houses, and he rode the boat and helicopter ride. He then found two pumpkins that he insisted on pulling in a wagon all on his own to the car.













Jack and I painted pumpkins together!

Acts of Rebellion

After trying to get pregnant for over a year one of my little acts of rebellion is that I have stopped taking my prenatal vitamins. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it feels like the only decision I have control over. To Zack's credit he diligently sets out my vitamins each and every day and tries his best to convince me to take them. A few days ago he got smart. He has convinced Jack it's fun to feed people their vitamins and now gives my vitamin straight to Jack to feed it to me every morning. That's a cheap shot if I ever saw one, but there is no doubt, come what may, that the two guys in my life love me, want to take care of me, and make me the luckiest mom/wife in the world.

Sweet Moments

This morning while Jack and I were hiding under the covers on our bed waiting for Zack to come and find us during our game of hide and seek, Jack reached over, took my hand in his and kissed it. He didn't say anything at all before or after. But it was a perfect moment.

Tackling on Sundays

Our first Sunday in our new ward was, well just that, a first Sunday in a new ward. Jack seemed quite content in his new nursery (which includes 24 toddlers. Primary has 126 kids in addition...just imagine what Sacrament meeting is like...) so we decided to skip out and let him go it alone so he wouldn't expect us to be there every week. When I went back after church to pick him up, he was full on tackling a giant bear in the middle of the room. Think body checking by a two year old. I asked how everything went, and they very nicely asked if we do a lot of tackling at home because Jack had, in fact, tackled a little boy and girl fortunately neither very hard, (No one went home in a body cast) so they brought out the bear for him to tackle. I was mortified, and yet still slightly amused to see my sweet little boy roughing up this ginormous bear.

We spent the next week talking all about how church is not a place for tackling, and how it's only okay to play tackling games with Momma and Papa (and of course Adda and Poppi) and never with kids, and never in nursery.

Still, Sean called the other day to remind us that boys are paid lots of money to tackle people on Sundays. He makes a valid point.

Foosball etiquette

While Jack and I were staying at Dani and Sean's house before moving to San Diego, Jack and I played a few games of Foosball on their balcony. Jack made a goal and immediately pulled up his shirt and screamed "Gooooooal!!" He then very matter-of-factly informed me, "Momma, you have to lift up your shirt and show your belly when someone makes a goal." I told him that rule was only for Jacks, and not for Mommas.

Thank you oh so very much for all the color you add to Jack's life Sean!!

No you are...

I don't know when it started. Sometimes I think it grew out of Sean and my tumultuous relationship when he and my sister first started dating. He would say something simple, say for instance, "I just bought a panini maker" to which I would promptly reply, "You're a panini maker." Mind you, not all my comebacks were that creative...

And even now, though I love Sean dearly, when we're together the "no you are" comments come out in full force.

So, it shouldn't have surprised me the other day when I told Jack that I was packing his sandwich up and he could eat it in the car, that he looked up at me and said, "I'm going to pack you up and eat you in the car."

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at my sweet little boy and wonder how many more "no you are" comebacks our family has yet to come.

Adda and the Human Garage Door Opener

Thursday brought Adda back to us. To say we are ecstatic to have her here would not adequately express how we feel. I think Jack said it best when he looked over at Adda and said, "I'm glad your home." I feel exactly the same way.

Dani has seriously convinced Jack that his nose is in fact a garage door opener. It's actually pretty amusing how easy it was for her to convince him wholeheartedly. Now, instead of asking me for the garage door opener to open and close it when we get home, he just pushes his own nose and up, up, up it goes. Pretty gosh darn adorable.

Step Class

I have been loving my kick boxing classes and feeling pretty gosh darn coordinated so I got up the nerve to give my arch nemesis -- step class -- another try. The first, and only step class I ever took, was at BYU with Monica. She is so coordinated, and no matter what I did, I just couldn't get the hang of it. But, I'm much more coordinated and not as rhythmically challenged as I was 5 years ago... right?

Everything started off well. I had new workout clothes and totally looked the part. That is until class started. But I was proud of myself for having fun and not caring that I wasn't the best at it. Then I fell. Flat on my bum, and hurt my pride and my ankle. The whole class stopped and watched. I decided that the most embarrassing thing I could do would be to leave, so I massaged my ankle for a minute and got up and kept going. Only to fall down, once again, flat on my bum not two minutes later. Turns out leaving was only the second most embarrassing choice I could have made. So, two hurt ankles later (and yes, I did stay and finish the class, because I didn't want to let the class beat me) I went home and told the story to Zack and Jack.

That was two weeks ago, and Jack brings it up in conversation everyday. "Hey Momma, remember when you fell in your step class?" "Hey Momma, what did you fall over, a step right? That's funny, I climb up steps everyday at our new home and don't ever fall on my bum." Today has asked me if I was going to step class tonight. I told him, yet again, that I wasn't going back to step class because I don't want to get hurt. He paused for a second and then told me he really wants me to go tonight, so he can come and see me fall flat on my bum for himself.

Thanks Jack.

**Jack loves watching people fall. In fact, at the playground, he intentionally falls over and over and over again. Picture him walking 10 feet in the sand and falling at least 15 times walking from one side to the other. It's actually pretty comical to watch other people's reactions. They are always first concerned that he fell and his mom seems to not be doing anything about it (irresponsible mom that she is), then horrified that he keeps falling, and finally mesmerized that they seem to be watching, firsthand, the world's most clumsy kid. What can I say, the kid likes an audience. And I do put this one on Zack's list. Zack laughs louder then anyone I have ever met at falling down, physical comedy. Jack never stood a chance.