A sight that warms my heart

Growing up, every other Sunday morning we would wake up to my Dad playing his guitar at the kitchen table. I loved waking up to those sweet relaxing mornings. My dad was taught how to play the guitar (along with my uncle and aunt) at a very young age by my grandfather who was a professional musician and had his own band. He was a tremendously talented guitarist and my dad follows in his footsteps.

A few weeks ago, while we were in LA visiting, Jack noticed Deda's guitar and asked him shyly if he could play it. The picture of my father sitting "teaching" Jack how to play the guitar will be one I will treasure always.

Jack's wisdom

Last night while we were driving back from the Del Mar Holiday of Lights, Jack and Zack started talking about one of Jack's favorite subjects - breaking your or other people's heads. He is obsessed with the idea that people will break their heads and fall out of their cars in an accident (btw, this is a funny idea to him). As a natural follow up to the conversation they started talking about what happens if someone breaks their head. Where do they go to get help? Zack brought up the idea that they would have to go to the hospital to see Poppi to get their heads fixed. Jack replied, "well, actually** some people go to Nordstrom's to get their heads fixed."

Not exactly the same type of "head fixing" but more true words were never spoken.

**actually is Jack's favorite word right now. The majority of his sentences start with, "well, actually mom..." and then he tells me why I am wrong about whatever I said.

Is Christmas over yet?

Every year I promise myself I will keep sane during the holidays and every year I hit the point of chaos and frenzy. Jack is already Christmas-ed out and it's not even here yet. We are going to the temple to see their nativity show and lights tonight which I am hoping will help all three of us realign ourselves with the true meaning of Christmas. I hope then I can forgive myself that not everything got done perfectly and Jack probably has watched more tv and played more computer games then is good for him as I have scrambled to wrap, shop, bake and cook this holiday season.

Pure Happiness

There are moments that catch me off guard when I am overcome with the pure goodness and joy in my life.

Here are a two of the main reasons...



These two guys have my heart stretched so full with love it hurts sometimes. They make me better then I am.

I truly am the luckiest.

Wake up calls

This morning Zack was awoken by Jack screaming at him from his crib,
"Papa, you're a rockstar!"

Love it.

Two times a charm

So last week brought a new experience for me. I was laid off. Not once, but twice. How is that possible? Well I got laid off on Thursday afternoon, and then again Friday morning. The details are a bit too complex to dive into, but the official position is "I have been laid off and we are working out transitioning my responsibilities."

There is a lot more to be said, but that's all I can say today. Except maybe that I don't recommend the experience -- even once.

Full Mouth

The other day during dinner, Jack turned to me and taking a huge bite of his roll said,
"Hey Mom...look, I learned how to talk with my mouth full just like you!"
Zack looked over at me with a "what are you teaching our child" sort of look.
Man, I can't get away with anything in this house anymore.

**Disclaimer** Although I may start talking before I finish my bite, I like to think that food is not hanging out of my mouth like it was Jacks'.

Sneaks

I finally found Jack in the garage yesterday when I couldn't find him after going upstairs to get his room ready for nap time. I witnessed him standing like six inches from the closed garage door pushing his nose, ears, head, and toes over and over again trying to get the garage door to open so he could sneak out to play with Nicky while I was upstairs. Sneaky little boy. Too bad his mom's sneaky and perpetuating the myth that his body opens the garage...

Trick or Treat

This was the year of Donald Duck and last minute costumes. I like to blame still being burnt out from last year's Halloween costume awesomeness which was the Empire State Building and King Kong...



...but as I was searching for the picture to attach, I realized that all that effort was two years ago. I guess I can't be claim to be burned out two years later...

The truth is Jack had an opinion this year. The problem was that his opinion changed every hour. We would be all ready to get his costume and then he'd inform me that he no longer wanted to be Mickey Mouse, but instead wanted to be a pink (or purple) kitty. I fought hard against the visions of myself dressed up as a kitty when I was five years old, complete with fuzzy ear headband and furry tail, and looked for the requested costume, but he didn't like any I found (at least any I found that I was willing to show him). Three days before our Halloween party, I drove 45 minutes to get to the Disney store and told Jack that he could choose any costume from the store. We walked out half an hour later with a Donald Duck costume, and a talking "Sally." Truthfully, he was more excited about Sally.

Halloween afternoon, I took Jack down to the Ralphs shopping plaza for his first Trick or Treating experience. We had a great time, and Donald's head remained on for all but 5 minutes. Later that evening, we went out Trick or Treating with a few of our neighbors. By the end, when someone would open the door and tell him he could take a candy, he would look in the bowl and tell them "I don't like any of those" and turn around and walk away. The last door we knocked on Jack informed them that all he really wanted was some water. They were nice enough to get him a sealed bottle of water and thought he was so cute that they also gave him a special ring that lit up. Thoroughly re-hydrated, we headed home and let Jack take a turn handing out candy. We had tons of trick or treat-ers and truth be told, Jack had more fun waiting for the doorbell to ring or a knock on the door so he could open it and after asking everyone what they were, choose just the right piece of candy for them.


Zack was unfortunately not able to get his costume finished, and ended up being the Hawaiian gorilla again.



Jack was a bit freaked out by his gorilla hands, but finally agreed to touch them.




Nicky came over to tell us it was time. He was having a costume crisis too, as is depicted by the Jedi Rocket.



Jack thought we were moving too slowly, so he set off on his own in search of candy.







By the end of the evening, Jack kept sticking his head out the window hoping he might catch a glimpse of another trick or treat-er along the path. He had just one last bag of Skittles that he insisted on giving away before going to bed.



After we put Jack down, Zack got back to work on his costume. I indulged his need to see a project through to the end, and happily took his picture to document this year's project... the Tivo guy.

Voting traditions

Historically I don't vote. My theory is that my vote doesn't really make a difference and registering only leaves me vulnerable for jury duty...which I have been called to at least three times. Because of my negativity Zack and Jack have developed an election day routine in which Zack takes Jack to get a vanilla milkshake and then to vote. Today, when I told Jack that we had to go out in the rain so I could vote, he reminded me of the tradition. So after a quick stop off at Wendy's, Jack and I went and cast our vote milkshake in hand. (His, not mine. He doesn't share sweets). I am proud to say that Jack thinks voting rocks. Milkshakes and stickers. Who could ask for more? I take comfort in the thought that Jack is being raised in a voting household (even while I admit most of the credit is Zack's).

Koeek and Notoeback

Tonight Jack and I stayed at the dinner table for over an hour. We were telling stories to one another. More precisely, Jack would tell me who the story he wanted me to tell him was about, and what they were going to do in the story. Zack and I have found this technique to be helpful because we are asked over and over again daily to tell him new stories forcing us to realize how totally lacking in imagination we truly are. Tonight Jack told me our stories would be about Koeek (a purple Mini Cooper) and Notoeback (a purple Range Rover). The stories ranged from being about Koeek trying out and making the basketball team at school, the car friends going bowling, to the ball room at Ikea, and to the trampoline place. During the course of storytelling, I kept forgetting the cars names (I mean who could blame me with names like Koeek and Notoeback) but I was impressed that despite the seemingly thrown-together-ness of the names Jack came up with for our protagonists tonight, he remembered them each and every time I forgot them.

I have a feeling I haven't heard the last from Koeek and Notoeback.

Our trip Home

Last week we went home. I am sad to report that although we spent most of our trip sleeping in my sister's living room, it felt like we were home. I was really worried about how much the trip might confuse Jack (since heaven knows I was confused) but he was a champ. He was so excited to be back and see all of the old sites, but he acknowledged they were old. He kept pointing out, most of the time thoroughly amused, that "Hey Mom, this is our old street!" or "Hey Mom, this is our old Target!". When we drove by our old apartment he chuckled to himself and told me someone else probably moved all of their stuff into a big truck and unloaded it into our old home. He thought it was a really amusing idea.

As soon as we stepped off the plane, Dani gathered us up and we headed straight down to Gilroy Gardens. Jack was so excited. As I have mentioned before, he has spent the last few weeks looking over the map we still have from our last trip to Gilroy Gardens telling me all the rides he is going to go on when we go with Adda. Here are a few pictures from the day...



















As we were leaving Gilroy Gardens Jack gave me a hug and said, "Mom, this has been the best day ever!!" Words don't do justice to how much I love that kid.

The next day was Sunday, and we got ready for 9 am church (LOVE IT!!!!). Jack was super excited to go to our old church and his old nursery. He literally ran up the steps, opened the door, and ran into the chapel before I had even locked the car door. We were so happy to see all of our old friends. I spent most of the first meeting reading and playing with Zoe, while Maryanne and Jack played with stickers together. By the end of the meeting, both Jack and Zoe were lying under the pew playing cars side by side. It was seriously the cutest thing and made me so happy to see that they were picking up right where they left off. After the meeting, Jack ran to nursery where he stayed all by himself and I got a glowing report from his teacher after about how he sang all the songs during music time, and that he paid attention during lesson time and even answered their questions! (Way to go Jack!) It was such a nice break from the tackling, crying mess our current nursery experience is. I spent the second hour holding Audrey (who is so sweet it makes the pain of not being pregnant easier to bear) and talking with Maryanne and Becky. Man I miss having friends. The third hour I stopped by to say hi to all my old YW and then got my hands on Miss Maggie, who although she screamed bloody murder for Becky who was teaching, still filled my baby holding quota for the day. That evening, Jack and I were invited to Maryanne and Bruce's for dinner. I think that night was one of my favorite memories. Just sitting on the floor in Zoe's room, talking to Maryanne and listening to Jack and Zoe play and have fun. It really is the simple things in life.

Monday brought Zoe's Halloween party, and although we didn't have time to dye Jack's tights orange, we had a blast hanging out and celebrating Halloween with Maryanne, Zoe, Becky, Ben and the babies.













Tuesday reunited us with Zack, who we were both overjoyed to see! Wednesday we met Maryanne and Zoe at our usual park, with a cinnamon raisin bagel in hand and it felt like life was back to normal. Thursday we met Becky, Stephanie and Maryanne + kids at the farm where the kids chased ducks, played in the dirt, got pumpkins, and played on the playground. As sad as we were to head off to the airport, it was comforting to know that good friends don't disappear, whether you are twenty-eight, or two going on three...

When we got home, I put Jack down in his bedroom, and came downstairs. I must have looked in the same drawer three times for napkins (the drawer that they would have been at at our old apartment) and burst into tears, sobbing that I wanted to go home. Poor Zack was amazing, and when both Jack and I woke up under the weather the next morning he stayed home to try to put us back together again.

Lately I have been wondering why this move has been so hard. I think it's probably obvious to everyone else, but the answer is Dani. I am tearing up right now at how real that truth is. For the last two years I had the love of my life, the child that made me the luckiest mom on earth, and the sister that made me whole all in a two block radius. For Jack, it must not make any sense, having lived his whole life with Dani and Sean down the street, that Mama and Papa moved but we left a huge chunk of our family back in Santa Clara. It just isn't quite home anymore without Dani (and Sean).

**A note to Annee, who is currently my hero. She is tens of thousands of miles from home, living in a foreign country, currently without her husband, raising four fantastic kids, and I complain about not being home at least 99% more then she does. I know I'm a wimp. I've accepted it. :)

New Friends

The week before we headed out to Santa Clara, Jack and I were invited to go to Balboa Park with Dani (our neighbor) and Nicky. We drove down together around 11 and spent the day throwing coins in the big fountain, visiting the train museum, running after butterflies, having a picnic on the grass, visiting the car museum (which Jack was very disappointed with because he couldn't get in each of he cars like at the car show) and the airplane museum. It was nearly 6 when we got home and we stayed out for another hour playing freeze tag and letting the boys ride the big wheel cars around.





These days Nicky comes over to our front window and pokes his head in and calls out for Jack. Jack will then run over to the window and the two of them will talk through the window for a few minutes until its negotiated between the two of them whether Jack is going out or Nicky is coming in. Nicky and Dani are a big part of this starting to feel more like home.

Bummer

Monday morning when I go Jack out of his crib, Zack yelled up from downstairs to let us know he was leaving. Jack looked up and asked me were Papa was going and I told him that he had to go to work today. To which Jack casually replied, "bummer."

Total bummer dude.
Where oh where does this kid learn to talk like a surfer/valley girl?

Change

Moving away from the only home Jack has ever known, and the only friends he has ever had has provided our family with a lot of teaching moments. I am trying to teach Jack that even though it hurts to be away from our family and friends, that feeling also makes us the luckiest people on earth because it means that there are people in this world that we love so very deeply and who love us just the same.

Jack can communicate so well that it's easy for me to forget that he's only two. So although he may be able to tell me that his heart hurts, or he feels bad inside and wants to hold my hand, but he doesn't know how to fix it. Even worse, he doesn't know why I don't know how to fix it for him. I'm twenty-six years older then him and just a few days ago when Maryanne called to ask me for directions to our tailor I burst into tears on the phone and had to sob out directions through my apologies. If just hearing a voice from home could reduce me to tears (and I understand why we had to move) then how must it feel to be two and stripped of all of the things that helped you understand and process the world around you.

So as Jack has been struggling these last few weeks, I have had to remind myself that he's struggling because he is trying to re-figure out who he is. Today he is Jack, who lives far from his Adda and Poppi, doesn't get to play with Zoe, Ben, Connor or Julia anymore, lives in San Diego ("off of Camino Del Norte" as he tells passer-byers), loves cars and is learning how to make new friends and not tackle people. And I am Ana, Zack's wife, Jack's mother, work from homer, doesn't get to play with Maryanne, Becky, Kim, Sherry, Carol and Jessica anymore, lives in San Diego and is learning how to make new friends and not tackle people.

Change is hard. But we take our memories of all we left behind with us. Always.

The Sweet San Diego Life

It feels like someone has hit the fast forward button on our lives. Dani and Sean's visit was wonderful. I have always wondered how much Jack does or doesn't think Dani and I look like each other. During their visit, Dani told me when she would walk into the room, Jack would look up at her and ask, "Hey are you Adda, or are you Momma?" I guess that answers that question.

My mom came into town the day after Dani and Sean left. It was awful timing on all levels except for the fact that it helped Jack recover the disappointment of Adda and Poppi leaving. Jack had been walking around with his head hung so far down into his chest and every few moments moaning pathetically to let me (and the world) know how sad he was that Dani and Sean had left. He told me his belly missed Adda and Poppi. (Lately "Jack's belly" is who I hear most of his feelings from. Momma, my belly is so big, I can't eat another bite, Momma, my belly hurts I need to play a computer game or watch another show, Momma, my belly needs you to hold me, Momma, my belly is sad because Adda and Poppi left...) His sadness was put on hold when we picked up Grandma at the airport. He was super excited to have Grandma stay for a week, and only once did he look over at her and say, "Grandma, I'm going to pretend that you're Adda okay?" Luckily, Grandma wasn't offended and agreed that he could pretend she was whatever he wanted.

During my mom's stay we took Jack on his first trip to Sea World. He loved the Shamu show, but got very upset to learn that I possessed no secret powers capable of making the dolphins splash us. Towards the end of the day we found our way to the rides portion of Sea World which delighted Jack to no end. Grandma bought Jack a Shamu who is now the newest resident of Jack's crib which incidentally is being overrun with wildlife. The day I told Jack Grandma was leaving he broke down into full on tears. It was heartbreaking for me, for her and of course for Jack. Even the cookies she left him for the ride home didn't interest him. It has been a long week since she left and I am grateful that we head up to Santa Clara this weekend to see Dani and Sean and all of our dear wonderful friends. Jack (and I) are so excited!

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks:

Jack "smiling" for the camera on our first ever "Jack & Momma Movie Day" where we filled our bellies with popcorn and watched Mickey movie after Mickey movie and stayed in our pjs all day. Around 1pm our neighbors knocked on the door and Nicky came in to play with Jack while Danny and I talked for an hour and a half. Then we took the party next door to their house and ended up hanging out till 4:30. It is so wonderful to find out how much the boys like each other and how much I truly enjoy hanging out with Nicky's mom, Danny. Hey, I may have a friend here after all...



Jack (and Poppa) discovered dominos. Zack spent way too long on this, but Jack loved it way too much for it to matter!



Jack and Momma at Sea World on Jack's favorite ride



Grandma and Jack playing in a band together



Jack climbing around like a monkey on the sky ride at Sea World



The Shamu Show (which I actually got all teared up at. Something about remembering it as a little girl and now sitting there with this amazing little answer to all my prayers angel in my arms, and realizing that someday he will probably bring his own children. Sappy? yes, true? Unfortunately.)





Jack and Momma touching [read Jack touching, Momma trying very hard to not let Jack see that I am both completely disgusted at the idea of touching them, and not entirely convinced they won't bite my/Jack's hand off] the manta rays. Jack loved this exhibit!







We spotted a carnival type thing off the freeway and decided to stop. It turned out to be a pumpkin patch with rides. Jack and Grandma jumped in the bounce houses, and he rode the boat and helicopter ride. He then found two pumpkins that he insisted on pulling in a wagon all on his own to the car.













Jack and I painted pumpkins together!