New Beginnings

Today, as Jack and I boarded our plane holding one way tickets from San Jose to San Diego it hit me. We are not coming back here. At least not back to our Home. It was a perfect take off. We flew right over Safeway, right over the park where Jack went on the swings and down the slide for the first time, the bagel store where Jack ate more mini cinnamon raisin bagels with cream cheese then I care to admit as we discussed our favorite cars, colors, and why the sky is blue, the school where we went to make baskets each evening, and then more recently to race cars, then over Archstone and finally over Nantucket and the park that I looked out on for the last three years. It was a fitting end to a wonderful four years in Santa Clara.

I woke up the other morning at Dani and Sean's house. Zack had already left to catch his airplane and use his one way ticket to San Diego. Jack was still asleep and I just kept thinking over and over again, "My heart hurts." Believe me, I know it's not the end of the world, and I am aware that San Diego is wonderful, but it's not Home yet. Home is something real, and essential in my life. It's a safe haven from the world that I can't control. So, leaving Home is a big deal to me. The only thing making this possible is my faith that Home is where Jack and Zack are (if only I could convince Dani and Sean that they have to attach themselves to us then I'd be set).

I have also been thinking about my grandmother, Baba, a lot. She and her sister Bosa lived in a duplex with their families in Milwaukee. Baba and Deda had three kids, and Bosa and Deka had four kids. I have grown up hearing all about the mischief those seven kids got into growing up essentially in one home. After a few years Baba and Deda moved their family to California and Bosa and Deka remained with their family in Milwaukee. I asked Baba a few years ago, when I was getting ready to move away from Dani for the first time and get married, whether it was a hard decision to make. She told me absolutely not. That it was the right decision for her family and that she and Bosa would always be sisters whether they lived in the same house or across the country.

The truth is I am not me without Dani. I guess that's why we came as a pair. I just have to keep reminding myself that we will always be sisters whether we live in the same house or across the country.