The longest post ever

This Summer has past in a whirlwind of visitors and activity. The summer started with the arrival of our visitors from Tahiti. Amiria came out to live with us for seven weeks to complete an internship, and Maima came out, well, to shop! :) Here is a recap of our summer fun.


We introduced them to Fish tacos




They tried to introduce me to fish, Tahiti style...


We introduced them to American barbeques, and Smores.


Rachel and her friends joined us for the "Base Tan" Weekend. The weather didn't permit much tanning, but we loved having them around.


Zack picked up two bikes off freecycle to help Amiria get to work and back.


We shopped...


and shopped...


and shopped...


and shopped...


then we thought we'd do some more shopping...


Maima fell in love with Ross. We no exaggeration probably spent at least 6 hours in Rosses all over town that week.


We introduced them to the joys of In-n-out


...and froze them at Southern California beaches






Ate coma inducing nutella and banana crepes, loaded with so much butter and sugar that y body had no other choice but to go to sleep and allow it to concentrate solely on digesting and not contracting diabetes.



Had to pick up Amiria on several occasions all over town when she got lost attempting to ride her bike home. The first night she rode her bike, she left work at 4 and waited until 7 when we called wondering where she was to admit she was lost.



We said our goodbyes to Maima and dropped her off at LAX with 4 massive boxes stuffed with all the spoils of our many, many, many days of shopping. Besides one cold 20 minute trip to the beach, Maima only saw the inside of stores in San Diego. She couldn't have been happier.





We said our hellos to the Earnest cousins and Annee fresh from Korea. George claims the only thing he likes about Korea is the cheap dvds. :)



We played at Sea World







Sent Amiria down her first real roller coaster ride. George and Henry had fun too...



Reconnected with old friends from Santa Clara in Oceanside




Went to the Zackrison beach week which despite my evident lack of photo documentation was full of beach days, yummy food, family home evenings, movies, cousins, sand and tons of fun. Jack cried so hard when he had to say goodbye to his cousins. We sent Amiria to Utah and Idaho with her new friend Kristen for a week. While we were gone Zack's cousin and aunt and three kids came to San Diego and used out house as a landing spot. (less you think our poor home might have gone unoccupied this summer!)

Two days after beach week, our dear friends from New York came out for a visit along with their three kids. Zack and I have a theory that having friends makes us fatter. I was 4 pounds heavier when their week trip was over thanks to two birthday cakes, decadent chocolate crossaints, an extravagent nearly $400 French meal out for the adults, and theme park goodies.

We played at Disneyland



**Monica, I can't wear my headband without thinking of you now... :)



Jack was reunited with Autopia


My 29th !!! birthday cake arrived from LA


We stuck candles in it, made a wish and ate it anyways...




Put our cars up for sale


We sold Zack's and totalled mine (opps)

We opened our home up for staging and realtors of San Diego to help our landlords sell the house from afar.


We played in the pool (lots)


Made repeat visits to SeaWorld, the Del Mar Fair, and the SD Zoo on Amiria's farewell tour. And the back to SeaWorld for fireworks with Jen, Anthony and Emily. Too bad they didn't start till 10pm!



Then we packed up our home, said "till we meet agains" to our friends and loved ones and moved to Boston.

The end.

Stuff

Why is it that with each move I find myself at this very point -- staring down random bits and pieces of stuff that we evidently valued enough to decide to bring with us to 700 square feet of living space, but for the life of me I can't imagine why we have it or where it should go now?

I have had my fill of unpacking. Jack has been an angel and has pretty much spent the last week playing on his own in his room while we try to put our home back together. Zack has been busy finishing up his required HBS tutorials, and completing his last day of work for Intuit while I scour catalogs in search of tables, desks and bookshelves to fit our small home. Jack and I have also been lost all over Boston. Today however, I successfully drove us all to Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, Pottery Barn and home. It was a minor miracle in my life.

Another minor miracle worth mentioning -- Jack is now old enough (or maybe just our home is small enough that I don't imagine him walking out the front door downstairs) that I feel comfortable letting him play on his own in the morning while Zack and I sleep in a bit. Yes, we do get woken up incessantly, but somehow those last few stolen moments of interrupted sleep are worth their weight in gold. So is my family. Despite the fact that these boys drive me more crazy at moments then anyone else in the world, they also make me more indescribably happy.

I promise pictures. That darn cable is still lost somewhere (despite the fact that all boxes have been emptied...)

Seven Years

I remembered today a story Dorothy shared a story with us about her time living on campus at Harvard. She had a neighbor who was from India who had never made a cake before and asked her to teach her how. The story goes that the two of them baked in Dorothy's apartment a delicious cake and her neighbor went home eager to try one on her own. Once she had baked her cake, she brought it over for Dorothy to sample. One bite and Dorothy realized that the cake tasted like curry. Her pans and kitchen were so infused with curry that the cake stood no chance. Today, I remembered this story as Zack and I spent our seventh anniversary scubbing our kitchen with clorox wipes, Ajax, harsh sponges, and 409 in a battle that I am sure we lost against curry. The highest concentration of smell was coming from the kitchen and when Zack pulled out the stove, we were met with all sides of the stove, sides of the counter, and back wall all stained with curry. It is really a shame because after a year away from Santa Clara (where countless experiences of running in a gym, inhaling curry) I had almost nearly repressed the memory deep enough to be ready to try Indian food again. Sadly, now I can't imagine a world where me and curry will make up.

As I was scrubbing our petite bathroom, I was both relieved not to have three bathrooms to scrub anymore, and at the same time, overwhlemed by the age of this bathroom and all it must have seen. I realized how depressing it could be to be scrubbing a bathroom on an anniversary, but I realized that all I was was grateful to be spending our anniversary making this apartment into a home for my family. I love you Zack. I have loved you for almost half of my life and I will love you for the rest of it and throughout eternity. Forever and a day...

**We drove all over Boston today and the houses were beautiful. I think that the drive from the airport must have taken us through some shaddy streets, because since then I have pointed out one beautiful house and neighborhood after another.

**Zack and I do spend a fair amount of our time out here feeling like people think we must be from outterspace. Yesterday, much to our waitress' disbelief was the first time we had heard of, let alone tried a Hoodsie, and today while at Friendly's the lady had to explain at least three times to us what frizzles were. I guess to a lot of the country Californians probably are akin to aliens.

** Sometimes I look around and realize that I am surrounded by some of the world's brightest people and it can feel a bit intimidating. That is until I realize that the guy walking down the street with his pants unzipped is a Harvard student and suddenly I don't feel quite so intimidated any longer. I at least knew enough to zip up my pants. Score, double score.

Boston with Zack

Jack and I have decided that Boston with Zack is a much nicer place. Zack missed his ferry yesterday which left Jack and I on our own for the majority of Saturday. We had a good morning, shared a waffle, went to the pool, and then we both got eaten up by the couch for hours. I have never in three years turned on the tv to a show for me when Jack was awake, but yesterday Jack and I sat on the couch, snuggled up together, watching cooking shows and playing the I-phone. We were so drained that even the thought of chocolate chip cookies downstairs in the lobby was not worth getting off the couch. I contemplated calling room service to bring us up some, but my pride kept me from it. Then, Zack arrived :) and brought cookies and 5 Hershey Bars to us (he knows the fastest way to our heart). He collected us and we went to see our new car for the first time. It was great! He drove us over to our new home. It too was perfect. Tiny, smelled like curry/cat/urine and you can hear traffic noise, but perfect. It was a strange mix of feelings. Part of me was wondering where the rest of the house was, but at the same time my heart was so full thinking of our small family living so physically close together again. I took lots of pictures and even a video tour but until our camera cord arrives in Boston with the moving truck the pictures will remain securely stuck in my camera.

After day two, I will concede that all the old brick buildings out here are gorgeous. I still don't like the old dilapidated buildings and wonder if a nice new luxury apartment building with central air and a gym wouldn't be more of an asset to the city, but the brick now has a place in my heart.

Boston

So, Zack is sleeping in New York tonight and Jack and I are sleeping in Boston. Adam and Monica called and asked for my inital reaction and although I fully admit that my reactions prove just how uncultured I am, I still feel they are worthy of recording if only to laugh at later when I am a cultured Bostonian.
-People out here talk like morons. I say this fully recognizing that I may sound like a California girl, with my likes, bummers, dudes, and cools, but I mean how hard is it really to say Hershey Bar? I overheard a man today on the plane ask his wife if she wanted a Hershey Baah. Really? I mean I acknowledge that Hershey bars are super important in my life, but honestly, Hershey baah?
-The buildings out here are really old. I know that there are plenty of people in the world that this would be a good thing for, something on the why Boston is so cool list, and being a history major and all (stop laughing Zack) I really should be one of them, but I unfortunately am not.
-We drove by the Charles river on our way to our hotel and it triely was beautiful. The sun was setting and there were couples sitting watching the sailboats sitting on benches. It looked like a scene out of a romantic movie. I wanted to be sitting on that bench with Zack by my side instead of in New York.
-It hit me the other day when I was telling someone that this was our sixth move in the seven years we have been married (this Subday!!). There is no one else in the world that I would rather be following around the country then the man I married. He is worth it all and a million gazillon times more. I was reading in an old journal from about a year and a half ago, and I found an entry where I wrote that I had been pettioning my Father in Heaven to help Zack get into grad school because I knew that he was putting Jack and me first and I worried that his priortization might be the thing to stand in his way. I am so grateful to have a husband that truly does stand as a husband and a father first each day. I see the next two years as our turn to give back and strengthen our family bonds as we share in one united goal in this adventure.
Tomorrow we go see our apartment for the first time. I am worried that despite my unbelievably low expectations I am still going to be disappointed. I now look at every new piece of laundry as existing to offend me personally.

Home

We just got back to Dani and Sean's house after spending the evening saying goodbye to Bobby, Dani and Nicky. It hit me tonight as we were driving away, what it was I have been mourning the loss of. It isn't the house, although we were very happy there, or even sunny San Diego for that matter - it was the people who filled our home with friendship and love. It was living right next door to our best friends. It was the late evenings, the nights playing in the ally, the small knocks on the door of Nicky asking if Jack could come out and play, it was overhearing the two little guys talking through the front window screen. It was Zack's "second dinners" that he would happily devour anytime Bobby knocked on our door. It was having a friend that I could laugh and cry with and know that it was okay either way. It was having neighbors who you knew you could call up in the middle of the night for help and they'd be there no matter what. It was knowing that Jack would be safe and cared for by them just as he would by us. It was watching and learning from Dani how to better enjoy being, not only a mother to Jack, but also a friend.

San Diego is home because of the Chirco family. Go 92127.

All for a pickle

On Tuesday I totaled my Passat for a pickle. Yes, a pickle. But not just any pickle, no, a McDonald's sliced pickle that comes on the top of a kids cheeseburger, which means it is covered in ketchup, mustard and perfectly cut mini onions. I know this sounds ridiculous and needs some explanation.

I don't eat at McDonalds. Maybe once in a blue moon...I think the last time I ate there I was 70 pounds+ pregnant with Jack, bursting at the seams and the thought of waiting another minute for food seemed unimaginable (I guess there-in lies the answer to why I was 70+ pounds pregnant) so I ate at McDonalds. Even though I don't eat at McDonald's, Jack does. More often then I care to admit, I grab him a cheeseburger (one of the rare places he will actually eat meat from - I know, I know) and fries. I generally watch him eat this meal and refrain from eating myself so I can someday be skinny. One of the tiny pleasures I allow myself at these moments is to eat the pickle off of his cheeseburger. I purposefully don't ask them to make him a cheeseburger without a pickle so that I can have it all to myself.

On Monday, the movers came and moved us out of our house, so we were staying at Dani and Sean's new home. So we woke up Tuesday morning and I decided to take Jack out to run some errands. We were on our way back and Jack was hungry and asked for a cheeseburger from McDonald's. We were in a hurry because I wanted to get him home so he could swim with Sean a bit and then, cross my fingers, take a much needed nap. So I pulled into McDonald's and thought to myself, I'm in a hurry...should I say no pickle? I decided no, I wanted my pickle. Heck I deserved that pickle being homeless and all. I almost waivered at the window, but I pushed on. I had the thought I that I should pull over and get Jack's food (and my pickle) ready, but I remembered I was in a hurry and that would only slow us down. I called Zack on my way out of the drive-thru on my hands free device. I had Jack's cheeseburger in hand, trying to fish out the pickle that was glued shut to the cheese, literally saying to Zack, "I fell like a turkey running around without it's head, no, that's not right, a chicken, that's it...see how confused I am...Oh no I'm going to crash..." WHAM. When I hit a stopped 4Runner at a red light. I mean, there seriously is no excuse for that. I can blame myself in a million little ways. The man at the repair shop three weeks ago said I needed new brakes. Truth be told, he was so concerned that he even offered to let me borrow his car which had his four year old's car seat in it so I could make an appointment and he could fix my breaks, but I thanked him and told him I was selling my car to Carmax in three weeks and I would wait. All week I was thinking, something is going to happen before I sell my car, and noticing how crummy my breaks were, but now I was only 3 days from selling it, so I would wait. That morning Zack put Jack in his car seat and had the impression he should double check that he was securely buckled in his seat, which he did. I wish I had listened to my promptings. I am grateful that Zack listened to his, and that through it all, Jack was completely safe and minutes later eating his cheeseburgers, sans pickle. It's all a bit hazy and clouded over in my memory, but I think after I crashed into the guy, I stuck the pickle in my mouth and ate it before I pulled my car off to the side of the road. Honestly.

All for a pickle. I am so ridiculous.

Newer Beginnings

I am still working on recording all the happenings this summer, but our move to Boston has pretty much taken over our lives. It's too soon. In the short moments when I allow myself to think about the fact that we are leaving, I am heartbroken. I have fallen in love with our life here. It was at this moment that I remember writing about my heart hurting almost eleven months ago to the date. I reread the entry and thought about how circular life is. I remain hopeful that if so much could change in eleven short months, that I will be sitting down two years from now, again brokenhearted, at the prospect of leaving our life out there.

September 11, 2008
New Beginnings
Today, as Jack and I boarded our plane holding one way tickets from San Jose to San Diego it hit me. We are not coming back here. At least not back to our Home. It was a perfect take off. We flew right over Safeway, right over the park where Jack went on the swings and down the slide for the first time, the bagel store where Jack ate more mini cinnamon raisin bagels with cream cheese then I care to admit as we discussed our favorite cars, colors, and why the sky is blue, the school where we went to make baskets each evening, and then more recently to race cars, then over Archstone and finally over Nantucket and the park that I looked out on for the last three years. It was a fitting end to a wonderful four years in Santa Clara.

I woke up the other morning at Dani and Sean's house. Zack had already left to catch his airplane and use his one way ticket to San Diego. Jack was still asleep and I just kept thinking over and over again, "My heart hurts." Believe me, I know it's not the end of the world, and I am aware that San Diego is wonderful, but it's not Home yet. Home is something real, and essential in my life. It's a safe haven from the world that I can't control. So, leaving Home is a big deal to me. The only thing making this possible is my faith that Home is where Jack and Zack are (if only I could convince Dani and Sean that they have to attach themselves to us then I'd be set).

I have also been thinking about my grandmother, Baba, a lot. She and her sister Bosa lived in a duplex with their families in Milwaukee. Baba and Deda had three kids, and Bosa and Deka had four kids. I have grown up hearing all about the mischief those seven kids got into growing up essentially in one home. After a few years Baba and Deda moved their family to California and Bosa and Deka remained with their family in Milwaukee. I asked Baba a few years ago, when I was getting ready to move away from Dani for the first time and get married, whether it was a hard decision to make. She told me absolutely not. That it was the right decision for her family and that she and Bosa would always be sisters whether they lived in the same house or across the country.

The truth is I am not me without Dani. I guess that's why we came as a pair. I just have to keep reminding myself that we will always be sisters whether we live in the same house or across the country.

Americans

Last week we bought Jack two Star Wars action figures to play with. He is getting more and more into creative play and has had a ton of fun making the guys "bam" each other. (Better the dolls then other kids in nursery right?). However, Jack soon learned that these dolls heads can pop off (arms, and legs too). He was playing in the back seat while we were running errands and I overheard him saying, "Ouch, now I'm an American." We have been working with him on the idea that we live in America, and that California is a state in America, as is Massachusetts and that Boston is a city in Massachusetts, so I was glad to hear that he got something out of all of this. He then held up his guy and said, "Look Mom, now he's Skywalker and now (popping off the guy's head) he's an American." I was horrified. Had we somehow taught our child that Americans don't have heads, or worse that Americans loose their heads???? For about a week he showed lots of different people his "American" guy and we tried to figure out where we had gone wrong in our explanations, explaining that I'm and American and I have a head, and Zack's an American and he has a head. Finally, last night while we were at the mall, Jack walked by a store and says, "Look, another American." It took just a minute to put it all together. Jack was pointing at a mannequin. He was trying to tell us that his guy looked like a mannequin without his head, not an American.
...and out goes the collective deep sigh of relief...

Overwhelmed

To say we are overwhelmed would be the understatement of the year.

I have so many pictures, so many memories, so many stories to record, but they will have to wait.

We have had loans to apply for, housing to be found in Cambridge while sitting in San Diego, cars to sell, a car to buy, movers to be scheduled, a house to be packed up, all the while with a house that has been busting full of wonderful visitors since May 22nd.

I know two years from now when Zack (cross our fingers) is a Harvard MBA graduate (that sounds so awesome....) I will look back and know how worth it it all was. But until then I have to wonder...

Do you think anyone ever looks back at their life and says, "aha, I can pinpoint where it all went wrong - the day we decided to stop working and go to grad school." It's hard to not be scared taking this leap given how much we love our life right now. Could we even dare to hope it could get better then this?

And so it begins

**We also have a dramatic 2 minute video of Jack's feet if anyone is interested. Annee, I'm thinking he inherited this from George. He will have to give Jack some artistic pointers during Beach Week.

My Beautiful Sister

This week we learned that my beautiful sister is having a baby GIRL due in early October!! The thing that hurts my heart the most is knowing how much I am going to miss watching her learn to become the amazing mother that I know she will be. I'm already in love with this little girl, who already feels partly mine. I guess it's only fair since Jack's been part Dani's since day one. :) I think Jack and I are going to be making some extended trips from Boston to San Diego this next year so I can inhale as much of this child as I can.

Congratulations Dani and Sean! We just can't wait!!

**This is a picture of them in the new house they just bought in San Diego.

Zack's 29th Birthday

**rewind to March 24th



Early in the morning on Zack's birthday, Jack and I tiptoed downstairs to make Papa a special sausage breakfast burrito breakfast and decorate for the birthday celebration. Jack loved being a secret elf and eagerly helped me wrap presents, and blow up balloons with the helium tank. When everything was ready, we went upstairs and Jack pounced on Zack to wake him from his well deserved slumber, eager to show him the surprises downstairs.



This birthday Jack and I worked on the idea of surprises. Mostly, that you don't tell the person it's a surprise for what the surprise is before they can be surprised. This was especially important this year because Jack and I planned a special surprise for Zack. The day before his birthday, Jack and I drove down to LA secretly to pick up a special birthday cake from the bakery that made our wedding cake. Most everyone who came to our wedding was served the bottom layer of our cake which was really a disappointment as far as cakes go. The two top layers were divine. Like, I cried eating one of the layers a year later divine. (yes, I do take my cake seriously, but it is the only cake that has ever brought me to tears. Cherry Coke maybe, cake no). Every time we have ate cake in the last seven years Zack and I would compare it to our top two wedding cake layers and always wish we were eating that instead. So I ordered a duplicate of our top layer, a white cake with lemon filling and white buttercream icing to be picked up the day before his birthday. I had told Zack that Jack and I would be out late that night so not to worry. He couldn't figure out what we were up to, and even tried casually asking Jack questions to pump him for information. I was smart this year and didn't tell Jack what we were doing until we were on the road and I knew he would be asleep by the time we got home that night. He did do an awesome job of letting Zack open all of his presents and not telling him what they were before he opened them, and not spoiling the surprise about the cake.

We spent the afternoon at the beach. Zack surfed and then played with us in the waves and on the sand. We had our friends Dani and Bobby and Nicky over for dinner and cake to celebrate.



The cake was fantastic and we all had a great time.

Happy happy birthday Zack!!

**The Helena Wirth bakery is using me as a guinea pig and sending me a cake in a refrigerated delivery truck for my birthday next month. I asked for a duplicate of our second layer, a pink champagne cake, with strawberry filling and white buttercream. They were so touched that I drove all the way to LA with Jack just to get Zack's cake that they are sending this cake to me free of charge as long as I let them know that the cake arrived free from damage. Mmmmm....I can't hardly wait.

Jack's lesson

A conversation with Jack:

"Mom, I'm going to teach you something today. It's better when you have food in your mouth to keep your mouth shut so people don't see the food in your mouth." Mind you I had not been eating at the time so this conversation was completely out of the blue and led me to believe that he must spend his time thinking about his uncultured mother's bad habits.

He then handed me a cheez-it from his bag and instructed me to put it in my mouth and then to be ready because he was going to ask me a question and the correct thing for me to do would be to go "mmm hmm" to answer him instead of opening my mouth.

Once I passed his etiquette test, he tried to make me feel better and said,
Don't worry mom, I didn't know how to do that either when I was little. Bongo and Deeda had to teach me.

I am grateful that Jack has such proper friends who can teach him not to grow up like his barbarian mother. Seriously, the kid is starting to give me a complex...

Boston

Anyone want to come to Boston to visit us???? :)

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

This morning while Jack and I were driving around running errands John Mayer's song "Dreaming with a Broken Heart" came on. Jack was quiet for a few moments and then very pensively said, "Momma, I agree with John Mayer." I asked him what exactly did he agree with John Mayer about? He replied, "Momma, waking up really is the hardest part." He was so sincere that I had to stop myself from laughing out loud given how HARD I try to get him to go to sleep, and how easily he rebuffs my efforts. Instead, I told him I agreed that sometimes waking up is the hardest part. He then asked me why waking up was hard to do when you have a broken heart. I told him how when Papa was serving his mission in Tahiti how much I missed him and loved him even though he was far away. I told him that sometimes I would dream about seeing him and being with him, and how hard it was those mornings to wake up and realize I was still so very far from him. He really liked my story and asked me to tell it again. He then asked me to tell him what happened after Papa came home from his mission. I told him all about Zack getting home to LA and Grandpa Z giving him the keys to his car and telling him to go see me in San Diego after he had been released. I told him about seeing him for the first time in two years and how much we still loved one another. He asked me to tell him the next story and I found myself telling my child for the first time the story of his parent's falling in love, waiting for each other, getting engaged, getting married and finally having a sweet baby boy that we fell in love with at first sight. I thought about how these stories of Zack and my pasts merging into one would carry meaning in his life that I couldn't quite grasp. So tonight I am grateful to John Mayer for helping prompt this sweet experience.

Ana lives vicariously

More rewind posts. Rewind to early January/February...

So it finally happened. And I guess I should feel proud that it has taken three years for me to start making my child live out my dreams, but it's not like I could have forced him to play the piano at 1 year old, so maybe I shouldn't feel so proud of myself.

But I digress...

I can't ice skate. I mean, sure I can awkwardly navigate around the side of an ice skating rink, but given how prone I was/am to breakage, I'm afraid ice skating and I were never meant to be. I guess that's why I really wanted Jack to learn how to ice skate. The ice skating class was full, so mean mom that I am, I put my little manly man in the hockey class. :)

Meet my little hockey player in his "patootie pants"



Jack was by far the youngest guy out there, but bribed by a mini cupcake of his choice at the cupcake bar afterwards, he cheerfully attended 3 lessons, and tearfully attended 1. He was making progress but then we missed a week to attend a friend's birthday party, and the next time we went back he sat himself right down on the ice and refused to stand up again. I forced myself to concede that maybe not all my dreams for him can be fulfilled by his third birthday and that was the end of my little hockey player. Maybe we'll try again next year?



I loved that Zack knows how to skate and I can trust that even if I'm insane and I put my just barely turned 3 year old on the ice, he can take care of him.

To quote Jack, "Our papa's a rock star!"

What should Zack read?

So a very popular question during the Harvard MBA interview is what are you currently reading. I am going to spare poor Zack and not admit what he was actually reading when he learned of this question. He has since started reading Clayton Christensen's book, who is a Harvard Business professor. He was genuinely interested in this book, and wants to read some of it to prepare regardless, but I think it might seem a bit of a kiss up answer. What do you guys think?

What do you think he should be reading??????

Jack turns the big 03!

**rewind the clock to January 17th....

For Jack's third birthday we promised to take him to Disneyland for the first time. He has been telling practically everyone he met for the last 6 months that he gets to go to Disneyland on his birthday and even though he had no real idea what Disneyland was he knew enough to be super excited. We decided to make it a two day long Disneyland celebration since he was free until he was 3 and then free on his birthday and we thought it might make it a more manageable experience if we weren't trying to cram everything into one day.

Friday we drove down to Disneyland in the early afternoon. The lines weren't bad at all, in fact Jack was so excited to actually be at this elusive Disneyland that he even enjoyed the lines. We started off on the Rockets, Storybook boats, Dumbo, and then the main event itself, Autopia. Zack must have taken Jack on Autopia at least 10 times over the course of the two days. Finally, we stopped to see the Fantasmic fireworks show. Jack was really excited to see fireworks, but we forgot that the beginning of the show was a bit scary, so at Jack's request, we went into the New Orleans' square and "hid" for a while. We taught Jack to listen to the music, and when the music no longer sounded scary, it was time for us to go see the fireworks.











Disneyland - 1 Jack - 0



Saturday morning Jack woke up to our hotel room being covered in streamers, Happy Birthday signs, presents and the requested lemon cupcakes.







After breakfast cupcakes and presents, we headed over to Disneyland to meet our fantastic friends, Bruce, Maryanne, Zoe and baby Audrey at the Breakfast with Minnie where we tanked up on food and Jack got his first glimpse of the lifesized Disney characters. He was a bit reserved at first, but warmed up towards the end. Jack's biggest birthday wish was to meet Mickey Mouse. When Jack finally saw Mickey, he ran right up to him and gave him the biggest hug like he had just found his long lost best friend. I was too busy enjoying the tender moment to remember I had my camera in my hand. Right before we had to leave, I managed to snap this picture to at least remember the meeting.



Our second day introduced Jack to roller coasters (which he loved)



The Teacups (which he loved)



Autopia, Autopia, Autopia, and did I mention Autopia?

The dreaded Jungle Book Cruise (which brought Jack to tears). We shortly thereafter realized that he was old enough to understand what the tour guide was saying (ie. "Oh no when hippos ears shake that means they are going to eat us") and not old enough to know that it wasn't real, especially given how much time we had spent at the Wild Animal park and the Zoo lately.

One of the best parts was getting to see these two friends together again. Thank you Maryanne and Bruce for making Jack's birthday fabulous!







Disneyland - 2 Jack - 0

Portraits

The other day we were out in back drawing with chalk and Jack made one of his first attempts at drawing a person. He loves to draw, but up until now cars have been his obsession so he rarely ever strayed from them to other forms.

Jack's drawing of me...





Now, I will be the first to admit I have put on a few pounds due to inactivity and "woe is me" cake and Ben & Jerry's ice cream consumption, but really, a pig's nose?

Needless to say as soon as Zack got back from work that evening I went running.

It should be mentioned that Jack's next drawing was of Zack. He started off by saying, "okay, Papa needs a big head" and then proceeded to draw a ginormous circle for Zack's head. Given his mom's pig nose, mohawk hair and his father's melon head, it's amazing that Jack turned out as cute as he did!

The Zackrison House Goes Dark

We are grateful that our Christmas lights helped us celebrate the Season.
We are grateful that our Christmas lights warmed the heart of a Navy Seal risking his life in Oman during his final deployment.
We are grateful that our Christmas lights marked the celebration of Zack's birth.
I am grateful that today, March 27, 2009 is the first night in nearly five months that the Zackrison house is dark.

Take that SDG&E!

(When I complained about the electricity bill last month and the contribution that the "Christmas" lights made to it, Zack told me I should just put the heat on less. The man definitely has his priorities!)

Finding Meaning

One** of the hardest things about losing another pregnancy is that your reason and purpose suddenly disappears. For weeks the vomiting, lack of energy, feeling of not being a good enough mother to my child or wife to my husband has a purpose. The fact that my house is a mess, I haven't cooked a meal in heaven knows how long, and my body is getting softer and less toned thanks to my doctor's request that I don't exercise -- it's all okay, because I am doing it for our family. I am doing it so that my child can have a sibling to share his hopes, dreams and life with, a friend that will be around long after Zack and I are no longer. I am doing it so that our hearts can expand and learn to love even more then we know how to today, even more then we think possible. After suffering through another loss, it is in the arms of my husband, my mother, and my child that I find peace and help in refocusing my purpose. And, it is in my child's arms that I gain the faith to move forward, remembering how worth the wait he is, and find faith to begin again with purpose.

Jack learns to write

Both mother and father are so proud...

Jack's thoughts

I am constantly asking Jack, "do you know how much I love you?"

The other night in the car, Jack turned to Zack and asked "Papa, do you know how much I love sugar?"

So, so much.

This morning when I came downstairs Jack said, "Hey Mom, do you know there is a place called Hidden Valley and they have lots of vegetables there? We should go there sometime." I think he must have seen the Hidden Valley Ranch commercial a few too many times. I can't understand why he would want to go there given his distaste for all things vegetable and his apparent love of all things sugary.

Directions to Jack's work

Tonight at dinner Jack gave us detailed directions of how to get to his work.

"You go to ESPN and then take a right turn at dot com"

I'm thinking maybe we have been letting him spend a little too much time playing games at espn.com

An Ilich Christmas

Growing up our family observed Christmas and New Year's according to the old calendar. That meant that Christmas came every January 7th. Christmas in our family didn't involve presents or even a tree, and in spite of, or maybe because of this it was a special day in its own way.

Every January 6th (Christmas Eve) my family would gather in the evening at my grandparents house. There were years that we had more then 25 people, and others just 6. My grandmother would fix a "fasting" meal (meaning no animal products - fish is ok) and we would set a table on the floor. She would have us lay a red table cloth over the floor and then place all of the food on it.





Next came the fun part. We would recreate part of the manger scene. The adults would be hens and their role was to "quaw" and the kids would be chicks and our role was to "pew" (I am still a chick at 28...I think I may always be...). The oldest male would then take a basket full of hay, walnuts, wheat and coins and forming what I will call a tango line for lack of a better name, we would line up from oldest to youngest and assume our respective hen or chick roles, quawing or pewing as we moved from room to room throughout the house as the hay, walnuts, wheat, and coins were thrown all over. We would then sit down on the floor for dinner and the kids would look around trying to spot the largest coins during dinner so once we were released we would run as fast as we could to collect the most money.

Since we live in San Diego, we decided we were close enough and it meant enough to us to have Jack and Zack experience an Ilich Christmas Eve. Jack had a wonderful time and I think he got a kick out of seeing all the adults in the room behave so strangely! It was a touching experience to see my child experience something so special to my family and dear in my own memories. Jack is an amazing child and breaths new fresh life into our family. He re-animates everyone and I see through his eyes the vibrancy of my family.

Jack even had his first "kolo" lesson (traditional Serbian dance) from Baba and Tai.







This year Jack lucked out and got to collect all of the coins without competition. He even managed to walk away with a few extra dollars thanks to Deda and Mark.

I am so grateful for the traditions of my family and for a loving husband who understands the value of teaching our child who he is and the traditions he is a part of.

**as a side note Jack asked to eat dinner on the floor all the rest of the week...

Where did this kid come from?

Yesterday while Zack was in the closet getting dressed for work and I was in the bathroom doing my hair and getting ready for the day, Jack sauntered in and walked right up to Zack in the closet. He looked at him and said,

"Alright people, what's the plan for today? What are we going to do with our lives?"

Seriously, where did this kid come from?