Having a twin sister has been wonderful. It's an experience I hope for my children (that is if it could happen without me having to be the mom to twins...). I loved growing up having a built in friend. Someone who liked the same things I did. Someone to jump all the major growing up hurdles with. That being said, there is one aspect of being a twin that hurts. Somehow being a twin makes the outside world think they have a free pass to comment and compare you to your twin in ways that no one would ever think of comparing two people on the face of the planet. Because right there next to you is a copy of what you could be like. What you would look like were you talented, beautiful, and skinny.
Growing up, I went through an extended awkward phase. I was chubby, something not uncommon among pre-adolescent girls. But I was different from other girls because I had a skinny twin sister. I vividly remember being stopped in the mall (something that happened often when we were growing up and twins were less of a common site then they are now thanks to the marvels of modern medicine). My sister and I stood there smiling at the stranger who approached my mom and my sister and me. She was asking the usual questions that people had. The best is always "oh are you twins?". We were being polite until she said, "no wait, I can tell the difference, this one is skinny and this one is fat (pointing to me)." My mom totally stuck up for me and right away told her, no I was perfect, but it couldn't erase the humiliation. I was the fat twin. End of story. Sadly, this experience was not the only one of its sort. I have been told by a stupid, stupid man to stop eating my sister's food (a joke I assume he thought funny in his mean spirited, hurtful way), and humiliated time and time again as it is pointed out for the world to hear that I am indeed fater then my sister.
Over the years, I thinned out, and grew taller and less awkward. Today I stand at 5'8" and 135 pounds, well below the normal average for my height. Still, I fight to erase the picture I have in my mind, the picture I have let strangers paint for me of myself, because I see the amazing women my sister is, who stands a few inches shorter, but 20 pounds lighter.
Tonight, at my kick boxing class, an older man came up to Dani and me and started asking if our husbands looked alike, and then if they could tell us apart. I told him yes to which he promptly responded for all the class to hear "well of course, because she is so much skinnier then you!" I was shocked, but I pasted a smile I have perfected over the years on my face and said yes. Dani was worried about me all through the class. I told her I was fine, and that I had long ago stopped letting it bother me. But, had I been alone, I'm sure the tears wouldn't have been far behind. I punched a little bit harder, having such a vivid target in my mind. All the while I kept wondering when I would have the guts to stand up for myself. I thought of my dear friend Monica, chewing out the construction worker on her daughter's behalf, and I decided tonight was my night.
Right after class, I uttered a silent prayer that I could get the words out, and I walked over to him. This is what I said,
"You know, I tried to let it go, but I decided instead of me feeling bad about myself I was going to come over here and let you know how hurtful and inappropriate your comment about me was earlier."
He looked stunned, but apologized. I told him that I expected he had no intention of hurting me, but that I needed to let him know that he did. I then wished him a good evening and left cheering big cheers for myself inside my head.
Tonight I did it. I stood up for myself and hopefully saved some young child, some "larger" twin someplace, from having the same ignorant comment made about her. The world needs to quickly remember that being a twin doesn't mean that common etiquette and kindness should be thrown out the window. I think tonight, there is one less person who believes it does.
