A No Show

So, he hasn't shown up for class since the incident. Now I feel like the bad guy for standing up to him and calling him on his rudeness. Lame.

Standing up for Myself

Having a twin sister has been wonderful. It's an experience I hope for my children (that is if it could happen without me having to be the mom to twins...). I loved growing up having a built in friend. Someone who liked the same things I did. Someone to jump all the major growing up hurdles with. That being said, there is one aspect of being a twin that hurts. Somehow being a twin makes the outside world think they have a free pass to comment and compare you to your twin in ways that no one would ever think of comparing two people on the face of the planet. Because right there next to you is a copy of what you could be like. What you would look like were you talented, beautiful, and skinny.

Growing up, I went through an extended awkward phase. I was chubby, something not uncommon among pre-adolescent girls. But I was different from other girls because I had a skinny twin sister. I vividly remember being stopped in the mall (something that happened often when we were growing up and twins were less of a common site then they are now thanks to the marvels of modern medicine). My sister and I stood there smiling at the stranger who approached my mom and my sister and me. She was asking the usual questions that people had. The best is always "oh are you twins?". We were being polite until she said, "no wait, I can tell the difference, this one is skinny and this one is fat (pointing to me)." My mom totally stuck up for me and right away told her, no I was perfect, but it couldn't erase the humiliation. I was the fat twin. End of story. Sadly, this experience was not the only one of its sort. I have been told by a stupid, stupid man to stop eating my sister's food (a joke I assume he thought funny in his mean spirited, hurtful way), and humiliated time and time again as it is pointed out for the world to hear that I am indeed fater then my sister.

Over the years, I thinned out, and grew taller and less awkward. Today I stand at 5'8" and 135 pounds, well below the normal average for my height. Still, I fight to erase the picture I have in my mind, the picture I have let strangers paint for me of myself, because I see the amazing women my sister is, who stands a few inches shorter, but 20 pounds lighter.

Tonight, at my kick boxing class, an older man came up to Dani and me and started asking if our husbands looked alike, and then if they could tell us apart. I told him yes to which he promptly responded for all the class to hear "well of course, because she is so much skinnier then you!" I was shocked, but I pasted a smile I have perfected over the years on my face and said yes. Dani was worried about me all through the class. I told her I was fine, and that I had long ago stopped letting it bother me. But, had I been alone, I'm sure the tears wouldn't have been far behind. I punched a little bit harder, having such a vivid target in my mind. All the while I kept wondering when I would have the guts to stand up for myself. I thought of my dear friend Monica, chewing out the construction worker on her daughter's behalf, and I decided tonight was my night.

Right after class, I uttered a silent prayer that I could get the words out, and I walked over to him. This is what I said,
"You know, I tried to let it go, but I decided instead of me feeling bad about myself I was going to come over here and let you know how hurtful and inappropriate your comment about me was earlier."
He looked stunned, but apologized. I told him that I expected he had no intention of hurting me, but that I needed to let him know that he did. I then wished him a good evening and left cheering big cheers for myself inside my head.

Tonight I did it. I stood up for myself and hopefully saved some young child, some "larger" twin someplace, from having the same ignorant comment made about her. The world needs to quickly remember that being a twin doesn't mean that common etiquette and kindness should be thrown out the window. I think tonight, there is one less person who believes it does.

Work Shirts

Jack has figured out that Zack dresses differently depending upon what he has to do for the day. Jack's current nemesis, the "work shirt." Practically as soon as Zack walks through the door in the evening Jack insists he go and change out of his "work shirt." Only then can he relax and know Zack's not going anywhere.

New Cars

Yesterday evening, on our way home from the park, Jack looked over at Zack and said,

"Papa, when I get bigger, I'm going to buy you a Prius"

Zack was touched by Jack's generosity until he turned to me and said,

"Momma, when I get bigger, I'm going to buy you a Porsche"

Sounds about right.

The dream life of a two year old

Jack woke up screaming and crying this morning at 6 am (thank you to Zack for being wonderful and getting up with him). When Zack went in, he told him in between sobs that his pink balloon had floated away into the sky. So sad, but at the same time, it's the first real insight into what he dreams about.

Pronounced Porsche-a

Recently we have started playing I spy with my little eye with Jack. He loves this game.

Jack: I see something with my eye that's a Porsche. (pronounced Porsche - a)
Ana: Um, is it a Porsche? (pronounced Porsche)
Jack: No Momma, it's a Porsche - a

So maybe he's missing the point of the game a little bit.

Oakland Zoo

Pepper spray in hand so that I could protect us from any escapee tiger attacks, Jack and I and our friends Maryanne and Zoe took a trip up to the Oakland Zoo. Jack thought it would be fun to practice the "loud, quiet" game that Dani and Sean taught him (a gift I promise to repay when they have children) but otherwise the kids entertained one another on the long drive up and back.


Jack was most excited to see the lions. We went back three different times to see if the lions were out, but no luck. This is a shot of him waiting patiently at the lion exhibit. I asked him to smile for the camera and he told me he was done looking at the camera, as evidenced by this shot.



Jack took a turn brushing the goats. He made sure I was either holding his hand or super close the whole time. About a year ago during a visit to Happy Hollow in San Jose Jack was charged by two goats and now has a fairly reasonable fear of goats. I was proud of him for being brave and attempting another boy - goat interaction. :)



The funniest moment was when the monkeys were making such loud noises that you could honestly hear them throughout the park. Jack turned to me and said, "Momma, turn those monkeys down!" Oh Jack, if only the tivo remote worked in real life.

A Child's Prayer

Tonight Jack said his first prayer. Jack has loved praying since he was 8 months old and used to grunt and fold his arms and keep grunting until I offered a prayer. It was a humbling experience to see how often he was prompted to pray versus how often I am normally during the day. Despite his early love of prayer, he has refused to offer a prayer until tonight. He made sure to thank Heavenly Father for his bike, his basketball hoop, Momma and Papa, and ended the prayer with a very loud AMEN!

I can't think of many things more beautiful then listening to my child pray to his Father in Heaven. I am grateful for that moment tonight and how easily his simple prayer brought the Spirit to our home.

Adda, Look what I can do!

Dani hates feet. She holds me responsible, blaming waking up with my feet in her face a few too many times as children. Only Jack can get away with putting his feet anywhere near her without her getting totally grossed out.

I walked into the room the other day to find this:



I ran and grabbed my camera and told him to hold still so we could gross Adda out! :)

Jack's chocolate factory

As I have mentioned before, Jack loves to play going to work. Today he let me in on his work world a little bit more. Turns out they make chocolate gold coins at his work. That's why he comes back from work with chocolate for me.

*Side note: this work and chocolate relationship that my child has picked up on is because I am addicted to chocolate. Hershey's milk chocolate to be exact. So much so that Zack keeps chocolate at his work and brings me home three kisses each day so there is no chance of me eating the whole bag in one sitting. I think in Jack's mind that must be what Zack does at work. He leaves, goes to work, and then comes home with chocolate. Makes sense.

A Belt is a Belt is a Belt...right?

This evening Jack came up to me and, prompted by Zack I am sure, said:

"Momma, don't put my belt on me like a girl."

Was anyone else aware that girls and boys wear their belts differently? Girls loop it one direction, boys loop it through the other. Where is the sanity in that? Somehow I seriously doubt that a mother came up with that idea.

Who or What is a Bongo?

Jack loves Bongo. He loves to eat Bongo. He loves to play Bongo. He loves to throw Bongo. Bongo is a friend that he has to drive to work (well Bongo drives, but Jack parks). Bongo is a tree, a car, a person, an animate object, and inanimate object. It appears Bongo is anything Jack wants it to be. The bottom line is, I may not be able to pinpoint exactly who or what Bongo is, but today, Bongo is part of the family.

Blessings

I am taking a cue from Ie Li's last post and instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself over a little spat with a friend I am going to count my blessings. Since this is my attempt at remembering the "heart" of our life I will try to record my blessings as well from time to time.

I have been blessed beyond all deserved blessing to have found the love of my life at 15. I have been blessed to get to grow up with him and fall more in love with him as he grows as a husband and a father.

I have been blessed with the most kind and loving child. He teaches me each day to love life and to love like it's never going to hurt.

I have been blessed with a family that love me and remind me who I am, especially when I forget.

I am truly, truly blessed.

Mother's Book Club Drop Out

That's right. I'm out. I just have to read this last book and host this month's meeting (how on earth do I get myself into these things) and then I'm officially a mother's book club drop out. Hurray!

Why am I so excited to be a mother's book club drop out? Not because I think I know everything there is to know about being a mother, or because I have it all under control, but because I am so busy trying to fit in reading yet another book about mothering for this club that I am thinking up ways to avoid actually mothering my child. In my head: "Maybe if I can put Jack in front of the tv for just one more half hour program I can catch up with this month's reading and not look like a total lame-o showing up at our meeting tomorrow on page 24." Sorry ladies, that's when I have to call it quits.

So, Jack if you are reading this years from now, I'm sorry I didn't learn as much as I could have about how to raise you -- but if it is any consolidation, know that we are having a great time making it up as we go!

Momma, let's talk

Today, after preschool,(we do a mommy and me preschool with a few friends once a week) Jack and I went to the park and soon after we got there he told me it was time to go to work. (Jack's new favorite game is to pretend he has to go to work like Zack.) He waves to me, says "oh I can't forget my lunch" and then starts walking off somewhere on his own. I followed him and learned more about his work. First off, there is plenty of chocolate there :). There is a basketball hoop, but no paper. Bongo drives him to work in the morning (more about Bongo soon) but Jack has to park the car for Bongo outside the office. He told me that he spends most of his day doing his email (which involves crayons). After work, I took him to get a bagel and cream cheese. This is one of my most favorite things to do with Jack. He gets the same thing every time (mini cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, not toasted) and then we go and sit at one of the tables outside. We sit together and talk. We talk about the weather, his friends, what we like, what we don't like. We talk about Papa, cars, birds, cars, the other people who must be hungry and need a bagel too, cars and more cars. In these moments I see how quickly he is growing up.

Today I was tired and when Jack was almost done with his bagel I told him to take the rest and we would start our walk back to the car. He stood up and said, "Momma, let's sit together and talk." That quickly, he brought me back to the moment and I was no longer thinking about how long it would take me to get him to the car, how hard it would be to carry him upstairs or to convince him to walk up them by himself and instead I sat down and talked to my two, going on 10 year old.

Momma, you're beautiful

At the most random moments during the day, Jack will look over at me and say, "Momma, you're beautiful." I catch myself looking in the mirror (all too often I've thrown on my gray hole filled sweatshirt that I love and refuse to throw out but acknowledge that I can only wear in private. My hair looks like a two year old has snuggled it and whatever makeup I remember putting on that morning has long since faded) and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes and saying yeah, Jack, I'm beautiful, sarcastically. But then I remember being a little girl and knowing my mom was the most beautiful mom ever, and I quickly remember that he is only two and as fast as he is growing up, I am still so much his world. I stop myself from rolling my eyes, and feeling a bit more beautiful then I was the moment before, I hug him and tell him how much I love him instead.

Taking the train

Today I, and nine other awesome moms took our kids on a train ride. The morning started out with Jack literally crying his eyes out in the car and telling me "Momma, me having a hard time" I asked him what would make him feel better inside and he told me that a donut would help (HA!). So we made a short detour over to the donut store, and then continued on to the train station much happier for the short stop. (as a side note, am I teaching my kid to find comfort in food? I guess I will work on that one on a day when I am feeling more worthy of the task and less like a chocolate bunny would help me make it through the rest of my day :). For today, the donut really worked miracles). We met our friends at the Sunnyvale station in the morning and rode the train up to Palo Alto. We then walked over to the Creamery for a yummy lunch. Jack loved the train. He was so super excited to be on the train, and even more thrilled by the fact that he was riding backwards on the way home.

The second best thing about the activity, Jack came home and took a nap!!
The absolute best thing about it, Jack and I had a blast spending the day together :)

Happy 28th Birthday to Zack

It's funny the closer we get to 30, the younger 30 seems to sound. :)

Zack took his birthday off and we headed down to Santa Cruz for surfing and fun.



First, Zack and Jack played in the FREEZING cold water. Jack came up to me after a few minutes and informed me that we have to buy him a wet suit like Papa. The boys had a blast in the water. Poor Jack got stripped down to his onesie because I totally spaced and forgot a separate change of close for him. After playing together, Zack went off to surf and the rest of us headed over to the boardwalk for games and rides. Jack loved the carousel and also tried his hand at the race car driving ride. The ride was slow until it whipped us around the corner. Jack got so scared that he put his head in my lap and refused to sit up or open his eyes until the ride was over.

Zack had a great time surfing and after a quick stop for food, and a dentist appointment (Zack's logic: have a dentist appointment on your birthday and it's a sick day off work) we regrouped for dinner at In-n-out and then a two-can cake (think chocolate cake with two cans of frosting).



The cake pan overflowed in the oven, and sunk a bit under the weight off the frosting, but it was so good! Despite having to sing Happy birthday twice, the first time I accidentally sung Happy birthday to Jack (oops) it was a great day!


Happy, happy birthday Zack!

Easter Actvities

We had a fantastic Easter made even better by chocolate bunnies that kept appearing at our door! (thank you Grandma and Grandpa Z - Jack was so excited to get the box, and this time I even let him open it). We took Jack to his first real Easter Egg hunt on Saturday morning over to the park. He was very excited for it, until he saw the basketball hoop and realized he had to wait and look for eggs before he could play basketball. Once he realized that the eggs were filled with chocolate he agreed to postpone basketball, at least temporarily.

Jack and I made a great Easter Egg hunting team and managed to get lots of candy from the hunt. Of course he ate way too much of it (I haven't quite figured out how to tell him no he can't eat all the candy he worked so hard to find).


And finally, the main event...


Later that day we dyed easter eggs. I told Jack we would write his name on one of the eggs and then dye it. Jack then said "j - a - c!" Yes, he forgot the k, but how cool is it that he can mostly spell his name! :)
Happy Easter!!

**Notice the lame blue cord cutting our dinning room in half...I still can't get my computer to acknowledge I have a wireless connection. So sad.**

Why oh Why?

Why oh why won't my kid nap anymore??? This wasn't supposed to happen to me.

So Jack hasn't napped since Friday (it's Wednesday today). We went out this morning to his sports class, during which he preferred to lie face up on his back in the middle of the room instead of participate in anything other then basketball. Then we went to the park with Connor and Addison and Jack had fun as long as he was doing what he wanted, when he wanted. Then to the gas station, where, heaven forbid, I just got gas and didn't go in to buy him a cookie. Jack told me that made him mad inside. Then I had the nerve to go to the store to buy his favorite yogurt drinks and after Jack ran all over the store (despite his promises that he would be good and follow the rules, which he even recited back to me "Stay with momma and papa and don't run away" if I didn't strap him into the shopping cart) and spinning the rack of sunglasses so hard that sunglasses flew EVERYWHERE, I had the gall to pick him up and not let him go until we were back in the car. I wouldn't let him open the bread until we got home (we live less then a mile from the store) and I wouldn't play cars with him while I was driving that mile home. Zack called to check in and see how we were doing.

Me: "I'm praying."
Z: "Oh that bad?"

I then carried a tantruming Jack up three flights of stairs with groceries and saw at the door a box from Godiva full of Easter bunnies from my mom. (An answer to that prayer?) and Jack asked if we could open it. I told him it was Momma's box and no he couldn't open it. I then distracted him, took the box into my room, lay down on my bed and ate a bunny all by myself. (fyi Zack jokes that I spend my days eating chocolate in bed, today I proved him right!)

Why oh why won't he take a nap and wake up less whinny and tantrumy (or at least let me take one so I wake up less whinny and tantrumy) Maybe they don't make naps long enough for that to happen???