Our trip Home

Last week we went home. I am sad to report that although we spent most of our trip sleeping in my sister's living room, it felt like we were home. I was really worried about how much the trip might confuse Jack (since heaven knows I was confused) but he was a champ. He was so excited to be back and see all of the old sites, but he acknowledged they were old. He kept pointing out, most of the time thoroughly amused, that "Hey Mom, this is our old street!" or "Hey Mom, this is our old Target!". When we drove by our old apartment he chuckled to himself and told me someone else probably moved all of their stuff into a big truck and unloaded it into our old home. He thought it was a really amusing idea.

As soon as we stepped off the plane, Dani gathered us up and we headed straight down to Gilroy Gardens. Jack was so excited. As I have mentioned before, he has spent the last few weeks looking over the map we still have from our last trip to Gilroy Gardens telling me all the rides he is going to go on when we go with Adda. Here are a few pictures from the day...



















As we were leaving Gilroy Gardens Jack gave me a hug and said, "Mom, this has been the best day ever!!" Words don't do justice to how much I love that kid.

The next day was Sunday, and we got ready for 9 am church (LOVE IT!!!!). Jack was super excited to go to our old church and his old nursery. He literally ran up the steps, opened the door, and ran into the chapel before I had even locked the car door. We were so happy to see all of our old friends. I spent most of the first meeting reading and playing with Zoe, while Maryanne and Jack played with stickers together. By the end of the meeting, both Jack and Zoe were lying under the pew playing cars side by side. It was seriously the cutest thing and made me so happy to see that they were picking up right where they left off. After the meeting, Jack ran to nursery where he stayed all by himself and I got a glowing report from his teacher after about how he sang all the songs during music time, and that he paid attention during lesson time and even answered their questions! (Way to go Jack!) It was such a nice break from the tackling, crying mess our current nursery experience is. I spent the second hour holding Audrey (who is so sweet it makes the pain of not being pregnant easier to bear) and talking with Maryanne and Becky. Man I miss having friends. The third hour I stopped by to say hi to all my old YW and then got my hands on Miss Maggie, who although she screamed bloody murder for Becky who was teaching, still filled my baby holding quota for the day. That evening, Jack and I were invited to Maryanne and Bruce's for dinner. I think that night was one of my favorite memories. Just sitting on the floor in Zoe's room, talking to Maryanne and listening to Jack and Zoe play and have fun. It really is the simple things in life.

Monday brought Zoe's Halloween party, and although we didn't have time to dye Jack's tights orange, we had a blast hanging out and celebrating Halloween with Maryanne, Zoe, Becky, Ben and the babies.













Tuesday reunited us with Zack, who we were both overjoyed to see! Wednesday we met Maryanne and Zoe at our usual park, with a cinnamon raisin bagel in hand and it felt like life was back to normal. Thursday we met Becky, Stephanie and Maryanne + kids at the farm where the kids chased ducks, played in the dirt, got pumpkins, and played on the playground. As sad as we were to head off to the airport, it was comforting to know that good friends don't disappear, whether you are twenty-eight, or two going on three...

When we got home, I put Jack down in his bedroom, and came downstairs. I must have looked in the same drawer three times for napkins (the drawer that they would have been at at our old apartment) and burst into tears, sobbing that I wanted to go home. Poor Zack was amazing, and when both Jack and I woke up under the weather the next morning he stayed home to try to put us back together again.

Lately I have been wondering why this move has been so hard. I think it's probably obvious to everyone else, but the answer is Dani. I am tearing up right now at how real that truth is. For the last two years I had the love of my life, the child that made me the luckiest mom on earth, and the sister that made me whole all in a two block radius. For Jack, it must not make any sense, having lived his whole life with Dani and Sean down the street, that Mama and Papa moved but we left a huge chunk of our family back in Santa Clara. It just isn't quite home anymore without Dani (and Sean).

**A note to Annee, who is currently my hero. She is tens of thousands of miles from home, living in a foreign country, currently without her husband, raising four fantastic kids, and I complain about not being home at least 99% more then she does. I know I'm a wimp. I've accepted it. :)

New Friends

The week before we headed out to Santa Clara, Jack and I were invited to go to Balboa Park with Dani (our neighbor) and Nicky. We drove down together around 11 and spent the day throwing coins in the big fountain, visiting the train museum, running after butterflies, having a picnic on the grass, visiting the car museum (which Jack was very disappointed with because he couldn't get in each of he cars like at the car show) and the airplane museum. It was nearly 6 when we got home and we stayed out for another hour playing freeze tag and letting the boys ride the big wheel cars around.





These days Nicky comes over to our front window and pokes his head in and calls out for Jack. Jack will then run over to the window and the two of them will talk through the window for a few minutes until its negotiated between the two of them whether Jack is going out or Nicky is coming in. Nicky and Dani are a big part of this starting to feel more like home.

Bummer

Monday morning when I go Jack out of his crib, Zack yelled up from downstairs to let us know he was leaving. Jack looked up and asked me were Papa was going and I told him that he had to go to work today. To which Jack casually replied, "bummer."

Total bummer dude.
Where oh where does this kid learn to talk like a surfer/valley girl?

Change

Moving away from the only home Jack has ever known, and the only friends he has ever had has provided our family with a lot of teaching moments. I am trying to teach Jack that even though it hurts to be away from our family and friends, that feeling also makes us the luckiest people on earth because it means that there are people in this world that we love so very deeply and who love us just the same.

Jack can communicate so well that it's easy for me to forget that he's only two. So although he may be able to tell me that his heart hurts, or he feels bad inside and wants to hold my hand, but he doesn't know how to fix it. Even worse, he doesn't know why I don't know how to fix it for him. I'm twenty-six years older then him and just a few days ago when Maryanne called to ask me for directions to our tailor I burst into tears on the phone and had to sob out directions through my apologies. If just hearing a voice from home could reduce me to tears (and I understand why we had to move) then how must it feel to be two and stripped of all of the things that helped you understand and process the world around you.

So as Jack has been struggling these last few weeks, I have had to remind myself that he's struggling because he is trying to re-figure out who he is. Today he is Jack, who lives far from his Adda and Poppi, doesn't get to play with Zoe, Ben, Connor or Julia anymore, lives in San Diego ("off of Camino Del Norte" as he tells passer-byers), loves cars and is learning how to make new friends and not tackle people. And I am Ana, Zack's wife, Jack's mother, work from homer, doesn't get to play with Maryanne, Becky, Kim, Sherry, Carol and Jessica anymore, lives in San Diego and is learning how to make new friends and not tackle people.

Change is hard. But we take our memories of all we left behind with us. Always.

The Sweet San Diego Life

It feels like someone has hit the fast forward button on our lives. Dani and Sean's visit was wonderful. I have always wondered how much Jack does or doesn't think Dani and I look like each other. During their visit, Dani told me when she would walk into the room, Jack would look up at her and ask, "Hey are you Adda, or are you Momma?" I guess that answers that question.

My mom came into town the day after Dani and Sean left. It was awful timing on all levels except for the fact that it helped Jack recover the disappointment of Adda and Poppi leaving. Jack had been walking around with his head hung so far down into his chest and every few moments moaning pathetically to let me (and the world) know how sad he was that Dani and Sean had left. He told me his belly missed Adda and Poppi. (Lately "Jack's belly" is who I hear most of his feelings from. Momma, my belly is so big, I can't eat another bite, Momma, my belly hurts I need to play a computer game or watch another show, Momma, my belly needs you to hold me, Momma, my belly is sad because Adda and Poppi left...) His sadness was put on hold when we picked up Grandma at the airport. He was super excited to have Grandma stay for a week, and only once did he look over at her and say, "Grandma, I'm going to pretend that you're Adda okay?" Luckily, Grandma wasn't offended and agreed that he could pretend she was whatever he wanted.

During my mom's stay we took Jack on his first trip to Sea World. He loved the Shamu show, but got very upset to learn that I possessed no secret powers capable of making the dolphins splash us. Towards the end of the day we found our way to the rides portion of Sea World which delighted Jack to no end. Grandma bought Jack a Shamu who is now the newest resident of Jack's crib which incidentally is being overrun with wildlife. The day I told Jack Grandma was leaving he broke down into full on tears. It was heartbreaking for me, for her and of course for Jack. Even the cookies she left him for the ride home didn't interest him. It has been a long week since she left and I am grateful that we head up to Santa Clara this weekend to see Dani and Sean and all of our dear wonderful friends. Jack (and I) are so excited!

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks:

Jack "smiling" for the camera on our first ever "Jack & Momma Movie Day" where we filled our bellies with popcorn and watched Mickey movie after Mickey movie and stayed in our pjs all day. Around 1pm our neighbors knocked on the door and Nicky came in to play with Jack while Danny and I talked for an hour and a half. Then we took the party next door to their house and ended up hanging out till 4:30. It is so wonderful to find out how much the boys like each other and how much I truly enjoy hanging out with Nicky's mom, Danny. Hey, I may have a friend here after all...



Jack (and Poppa) discovered dominos. Zack spent way too long on this, but Jack loved it way too much for it to matter!



Jack and Momma at Sea World on Jack's favorite ride



Grandma and Jack playing in a band together



Jack climbing around like a monkey on the sky ride at Sea World



The Shamu Show (which I actually got all teared up at. Something about remembering it as a little girl and now sitting there with this amazing little answer to all my prayers angel in my arms, and realizing that someday he will probably bring his own children. Sappy? yes, true? Unfortunately.)





Jack and Momma touching [read Jack touching, Momma trying very hard to not let Jack see that I am both completely disgusted at the idea of touching them, and not entirely convinced they won't bite my/Jack's hand off] the manta rays. Jack loved this exhibit!







We spotted a carnival type thing off the freeway and decided to stop. It turned out to be a pumpkin patch with rides. Jack and Grandma jumped in the bounce houses, and he rode the boat and helicopter ride. He then found two pumpkins that he insisted on pulling in a wagon all on his own to the car.













Jack and I painted pumpkins together!

Acts of Rebellion

After trying to get pregnant for over a year one of my little acts of rebellion is that I have stopped taking my prenatal vitamins. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it feels like the only decision I have control over. To Zack's credit he diligently sets out my vitamins each and every day and tries his best to convince me to take them. A few days ago he got smart. He has convinced Jack it's fun to feed people their vitamins and now gives my vitamin straight to Jack to feed it to me every morning. That's a cheap shot if I ever saw one, but there is no doubt, come what may, that the two guys in my life love me, want to take care of me, and make me the luckiest mom/wife in the world.

Sweet Moments

This morning while Jack and I were hiding under the covers on our bed waiting for Zack to come and find us during our game of hide and seek, Jack reached over, took my hand in his and kissed it. He didn't say anything at all before or after. But it was a perfect moment.

Tackling on Sundays

Our first Sunday in our new ward was, well just that, a first Sunday in a new ward. Jack seemed quite content in his new nursery (which includes 24 toddlers. Primary has 126 kids in addition...just imagine what Sacrament meeting is like...) so we decided to skip out and let him go it alone so he wouldn't expect us to be there every week. When I went back after church to pick him up, he was full on tackling a giant bear in the middle of the room. Think body checking by a two year old. I asked how everything went, and they very nicely asked if we do a lot of tackling at home because Jack had, in fact, tackled a little boy and girl fortunately neither very hard, (No one went home in a body cast) so they brought out the bear for him to tackle. I was mortified, and yet still slightly amused to see my sweet little boy roughing up this ginormous bear.

We spent the next week talking all about how church is not a place for tackling, and how it's only okay to play tackling games with Momma and Papa (and of course Adda and Poppi) and never with kids, and never in nursery.

Still, Sean called the other day to remind us that boys are paid lots of money to tackle people on Sundays. He makes a valid point.

Foosball etiquette

While Jack and I were staying at Dani and Sean's house before moving to San Diego, Jack and I played a few games of Foosball on their balcony. Jack made a goal and immediately pulled up his shirt and screamed "Gooooooal!!" He then very matter-of-factly informed me, "Momma, you have to lift up your shirt and show your belly when someone makes a goal." I told him that rule was only for Jacks, and not for Mommas.

Thank you oh so very much for all the color you add to Jack's life Sean!!

No you are...

I don't know when it started. Sometimes I think it grew out of Sean and my tumultuous relationship when he and my sister first started dating. He would say something simple, say for instance, "I just bought a panini maker" to which I would promptly reply, "You're a panini maker." Mind you, not all my comebacks were that creative...

And even now, though I love Sean dearly, when we're together the "no you are" comments come out in full force.

So, it shouldn't have surprised me the other day when I told Jack that I was packing his sandwich up and he could eat it in the car, that he looked up at me and said, "I'm going to pack you up and eat you in the car."

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at my sweet little boy and wonder how many more "no you are" comebacks our family has yet to come.

Adda and the Human Garage Door Opener

Thursday brought Adda back to us. To say we are ecstatic to have her here would not adequately express how we feel. I think Jack said it best when he looked over at Adda and said, "I'm glad your home." I feel exactly the same way.

Dani has seriously convinced Jack that his nose is in fact a garage door opener. It's actually pretty amusing how easy it was for her to convince him wholeheartedly. Now, instead of asking me for the garage door opener to open and close it when we get home, he just pushes his own nose and up, up, up it goes. Pretty gosh darn adorable.

Step Class

I have been loving my kick boxing classes and feeling pretty gosh darn coordinated so I got up the nerve to give my arch nemesis -- step class -- another try. The first, and only step class I ever took, was at BYU with Monica. She is so coordinated, and no matter what I did, I just couldn't get the hang of it. But, I'm much more coordinated and not as rhythmically challenged as I was 5 years ago... right?

Everything started off well. I had new workout clothes and totally looked the part. That is until class started. But I was proud of myself for having fun and not caring that I wasn't the best at it. Then I fell. Flat on my bum, and hurt my pride and my ankle. The whole class stopped and watched. I decided that the most embarrassing thing I could do would be to leave, so I massaged my ankle for a minute and got up and kept going. Only to fall down, once again, flat on my bum not two minutes later. Turns out leaving was only the second most embarrassing choice I could have made. So, two hurt ankles later (and yes, I did stay and finish the class, because I didn't want to let the class beat me) I went home and told the story to Zack and Jack.

That was two weeks ago, and Jack brings it up in conversation everyday. "Hey Momma, remember when you fell in your step class?" "Hey Momma, what did you fall over, a step right? That's funny, I climb up steps everyday at our new home and don't ever fall on my bum." Today has asked me if I was going to step class tonight. I told him, yet again, that I wasn't going back to step class because I don't want to get hurt. He paused for a second and then told me he really wants me to go tonight, so he can come and see me fall flat on my bum for himself.

Thanks Jack.

**Jack loves watching people fall. In fact, at the playground, he intentionally falls over and over and over again. Picture him walking 10 feet in the sand and falling at least 15 times walking from one side to the other. It's actually pretty comical to watch other people's reactions. They are always first concerned that he fell and his mom seems to not be doing anything about it (irresponsible mom that she is), then horrified that he keeps falling, and finally mesmerized that they seem to be watching, firsthand, the world's most clumsy kid. What can I say, the kid likes an audience. And I do put this one on Zack's list. Zack laughs louder then anyone I have ever met at falling down, physical comedy. Jack never stood a chance.

It all started with Thunder

Zack's in Tucson today, so my morning started early. Jack was awakened early by very loud thunder and lightning, but no rain and scarcely a cloud in the sky.

We decided to make mini-cupcakes (I had to clarify that mini referred to them being miniature and not Minnie Mouse when he asked where the pictures of Minnie Mouse were for the tops) as motivators for success potty-training (which by the way Jack is a total rock star at!). Jack ate more cake batter then any three foot tall person ever should, but we were happy. He asked me to put on music so the two of us could awkwardly and non-rhythmically dance around. I took Jack out for a run (cupcake in hand for Jack) and "we" ran to the park. Unfortunately the run back home included the mother of all hills. Whenever I stopped to catch my breath, Jack would cheer me on in his own way, by asking me why we were going so slow?! We came home, played Candyland and read books together.

And now Jack is napping. (enough said).

Furniture

After six years of marriage, Zack and I finally purchased bedroom furniture all our own last month. There was a set at Bassett that I have been eying for the last three years but could never get over the sticker shock of how much bedroom furniture actually costs to buy. When we found out that lease on the bedroom furniture that Christine so lovingly allowed us to borrow for the last three years was up, we decided it was time to grow up and own our own set. We lucked out and walked into the store on the very last day of their deep sale and thanks to Zack's awesome negotiating skills (more on that subject sometime) we walked out excited that our bedroom furniture would meet us in San Diego four days after we moved in.

It is now nearly three weeks since we moved in, and we are still living out of boxes in our ginormous and practically empty master bedroom. Zack calls each and everyday to try to figure out what went wrong, and when we can expect our furniture. For a week and a half we were told by the lady answering phones that there was one man who was in charge of their deliveries and she was trying to get a hold of him. I still don't know why it took so ever-loving long to get in touch with the man, but when she finally got in touch with someone at his office Thursday of this past week, she was told she just missed him; he had gone home with a headache. Friday morning, when Zack made his daily call requesting more information on when we can expect our non-refundable, non-returnable, and non-existent furniture, he is told that the man went to the hospital last night and died.

How completely devastating for his family and friends.

But, am I to understand that in a company as big as Bassett, there is no one else who can find out where my long overdue furniture is? It looks like we are going to have to wait a very long, long time.

Grandma and Grandpa Z's visit

Playhouse Disney was a huge hit! It was aimed for kids Jacks age so it was the perfect length (an hour and fifteen minutes) and even had an intermission perfect for potty-training breaks and snack runs. Jack loved seeing Mickey Mouse which makes me hopeful for our birthday trip to Disneyland coming up in January! Jack was super excited for Grandma and Grandpa Z's arrival. He wanted to sit with both of them during part of the show and then at dinner.



What I will remember most from this visit is Dorothy telling Jack stories. Jack's constant request to hear yet another story was met each time by a new story, nursery rhyme or made up tale by Dorothy. Zack and I were thoroughly impressed with how many she remembered, especially compared to how pathetic our own memories of these nursery rhymes were. Jack's favorites were he Three Little Pigs "Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin", and the story about the little boy whose carrot wouldn't grow (I think it has a real name that is escaping me right now).

Jack loves Grandma and Grandpa Z so much and was so sad to see them go. Come visit us again soon, please.

Tell Me a Story

One evening after a trip to the beach with my dad when Dani and I were maybe five (?) my dad realized that he had left our car keys somewhere on the sand. He realized that Dani and I were not going to make he long walk back to the beach and then back to the car well, so he promised to tell us a story along the way. And so was born "Puppet Sarah." Stories about Puppet Sarah (who was just what she sounds to be, a puppet named Sarah) fascinated us and from that point on, we were constantly asking to hear more Puppet Sarah stories.

Fast forward twenty some years. Now it's Jack's turn to want to hear a story. Zack realized that he couldn't remember what actually happened to the Three Little Pigs, or Jack and his beanstalk, so he came up with Perry (a duck) and Thomas (the pig). Jack now asks Zack to tell him more and more about Perry and Thomas and their adventures together. It's sweet to think years from now, Perry and Thomas will be Jack's Puppet Sarah.

We are so excited for...

While we were driving around running errands on Tuesday we heard a commercial on the radio for Playhouse Disney Live. Jack immediately recognized the name (we only recently introduced him to Mickey Mouse trying to get him ready for our trip to Disneyland for his 3rd birthday!) and just lit up! So Friday afternoon we are all (Grandma and Grandpa Z too!!) headed to see Mickey on stage! I explained to Jack this morning that I got tickets to go see Mickey Mouse and Goofy (his favorites) and his face when I told him no, they weren't going to be on the tv, but in real life, was priceless. Ah the magic of Disney!

***I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will go over better then our first attempt at a movie in the theater did...

Cross Country Babysitting

I love my mom. I love how absolutely gung-ho crazy in love with Jack she is. I am whole-heartedly convinced she would do anything for him. Each time she comes to visit I am amazed at how great she is with Jack. How genuinely captivated she is hearing his stories over and over and over again.

This past week, my mom came up with the idea of reading to Jack over Ichat. She had a few books she had been meaning to get in the mail for Jack but hadn't yet, so she read them to him over cyberspace. Jack loved having Grandma read to him and I loved being in the other room for the 30 minutes of storytime/breaktime. It was like he had a cross country babysitter! The last time Jack was talking to her over Ichat he started off the conversation by saying "Hi Grandma, I love to read. Do you want to read some stories to me?" The kid is nothing if not subtle!

We love you Grandma and can't wait for more stories!

And now Dee-da too?

Jack informed me this morning that guess what? Today is Dee-da's birthday. I'm beginning to get suspicious of his motives...good thing birthday's only come around once a year, and so far only Bongo and Dee-da are in the picture. Dee-da made her request of purple cupcakes to Jack, who passed that info along to me. So tonight we will be celebrating Dee-da's birthday.

We are also now on full potty-training detail. Jack is doing well, but it is no longer as exciting to him as it was in the beginning. I have him in pull-ups and our day is divided into about 20 minute potty break intervals. Yesterday we were talking about what super big treat he could have once we threw the diapers away for good. I suggested Sea World, Lego Land, the Wild Animal Park, the Zoo. Jack's only desire is to finally get to go to the ball room at Ikea and play. (He was elated and then devestated to learn the other day that 1. the room existed, and 2. you couldn't go in if you wore a diaper). So the Ikea ball room it is.

**Jack took an incredible 3 hour nap which meant we didn't get around to making cupcakes for Dee-da, so she had to settle for a store bought cupcake. Neither she, nor Jack seemed to mind all too much.



***We noticed that the frosting turned Jack's teeth green and then yellow. I was hesitant to mention it at first given his fear of his teeth turning green like the Hulk's, but I showed him the picture and he thought it was hilarious. I am so lucky to get to be Jack's mom. He has the sweetest, easiest way about him. I think he gets it from his Papa.

Memories

There is a particular phrase that Jack saves for when he is really, really upset. Think the world of a two year old ending...

In these moments he will yell out, "NO WAY JOSE!"

It makes me laugh that he thinks he is conveying how unacceptable the situation is by adding "way Jose" to his emphatic NO. Someday soon I'm sure he will come up with something a little more shocking, but until then I chuckle at how innocent he is that "No way Jose" is Jack doing his worst.

Zapping Flies

During Zack's mission to Tahiti he developed a love for Electric Fly Swatters. So, when our home was overrun by 15 or so flies that had come in thanks to all our doors being open all day long for the movers on Friday, Zack took it upon himself to order us two. Why two?

Z: "One for me and one for Jack to play with"
A: "Excuse me, did you just say you were going to give my two year old a swatter that electrocutes things?"
Z: "Yeah, I figured he would want to play with it when he saw mine"
A: "And what if he touches it?"
Z: "Then he'll learn pretty quickly not to touch it again."

I think this conversation sums up the difference between moms and dads. I say, don't give him something he could electrocute himself with until he knows not to zap himself, Zack says give it to him and let him learn what it feels like to be zapped.

Man alive.

The fly swatters came in the mail today while Zack was at work. I decided that we would do it my way since I was the one at home and would have to deal with it if Jack got zapped. So I put batteries in mine and sure enough, just like Zack had predicted, Jack was on top of me asking me where his was and was delighted when I pulled his out of the box (which remained battery-less). We put on fly zapping music (Jack Johnson for anyone planning a similar time passing activity) and spent the next 45 minutes zapping and bopping flies. Pretty much it was gross, but I think there is only one crafty fly left in our home.



I worry (yeah go figure I worry) about how this activity teaches Jack about life and death and our hand in it (Yeah, I know). So I tried hard to explain that we only zap bugs in our home when Jack suggested we go outside and wage a war against any bug in our paths. They're all learning experiences right?

Moving Memories

Why Moving's cool according to Jack


A BIG truck comes to our house




They drive our cars into the BIG truck


Our home becomes a big maze and Papa has to cut pizza with his pocket knife

Everything becomes a toy because all your toys are packed away in boxes



You get carried over the treshhold


*Memories not recorded in pictures include Jack discovering Onion Rings and his new favorite restaurant, Islands and donuts and lemonade everyday because the fridge is empty.

Jack's new 'hood

So, the neighborhood is great. I still am not up to talking about what we left behind, so until then I will talk about what we are gaining.

Our neighbors invited us to participate in their evening ritual. At least eight kids (who all are within a year or two of Jack) get together every evening and ride power wheels in the back alley lined with garages. And I mean HUGE power wheels. One kid has a large Lightning McQueen, another a big four wheeler that I could fit in, a over sized Jeep and a few other motorized vehicles. Our next door neighbor, Dani (pronounced Danny) let Jack borrow the smaller power wheel that her three and a half year old learned to drive on. (Yeah I know...) The whole thing was hilarious and also so absurd to watch! Jack had so much fun and can't wait till tomorrow evening. And here I was thinking we had no cool ideas for Jack for Christmas.

I managed to snap a few pictures tonight. Jack was upgraded to the Lightning McQueen car tonight..

Bongo turned 3 today

I couldn't let the day pass without mentioning that today was Bongo's third birthday. Believe me, had I known, we definitely would not have chosen to move today... Around three this afternoon Jack casually mentioned it was indeed Bongo's birthday and he and Dee-da were going to be coming over soon for his party. Zack, being the wonderful dad he is, reminded us all that he would be expecting a birthday cake. Jack notified us that Bongo would also need a balloon. So after giving up on the dream that I would be able to make dinner at home tonight (having professional movers is great but man alive I don't have any clue where they packed ANYTHING) we stopped at the grocery store where I found a perfect mini blue and purple cake and a balloon. When we got home, we sang to Bongo (I was lucky enough to sit next to the birthday boy) and Jack helped him blow out his candles. The cake turned all of our mouths blue.

Happy, Happy third birthday Bongo! Our family wouldn't be the same without you!

New Beginnings

Today, as Jack and I boarded our plane holding one way tickets from San Jose to San Diego it hit me. We are not coming back here. At least not back to our Home. It was a perfect take off. We flew right over Safeway, right over the park where Jack went on the swings and down the slide for the first time, the bagel store where Jack ate more mini cinnamon raisin bagels with cream cheese then I care to admit as we discussed our favorite cars, colors, and why the sky is blue, the school where we went to make baskets each evening, and then more recently to race cars, then over Archstone and finally over Nantucket and the park that I looked out on for the last three years. It was a fitting end to a wonderful four years in Santa Clara.

I woke up the other morning at Dani and Sean's house. Zack had already left to catch his airplane and use his one way ticket to San Diego. Jack was still asleep and I just kept thinking over and over again, "My heart hurts." Believe me, I know it's not the end of the world, and I am aware that San Diego is wonderful, but it's not Home yet. Home is something real, and essential in my life. It's a safe haven from the world that I can't control. So, leaving Home is a big deal to me. The only thing making this possible is my faith that Home is where Jack and Zack are (if only I could convince Dani and Sean that they have to attach themselves to us then I'd be set).

I have also been thinking about my grandmother, Baba, a lot. She and her sister Bosa lived in a duplex with their families in Milwaukee. Baba and Deda had three kids, and Bosa and Deka had four kids. I have grown up hearing all about the mischief those seven kids got into growing up essentially in one home. After a few years Baba and Deda moved their family to California and Bosa and Deka remained with their family in Milwaukee. I asked Baba a few years ago, when I was getting ready to move away from Dani for the first time and get married, whether it was a hard decision to make. She told me absolutely not. That it was the right decision for her family and that she and Bosa would always be sisters whether they lived in the same house or across the country.

The truth is I am not me without Dani. I guess that's why we came as a pair. I just have to keep reminding myself that we will always be sisters whether we live in the same house or across the country.

Moments

Yes, I realize we just left our home of four years and our good friends but I'm not ready to talk about it just yet.

Yesterday in the car Jack and I were chatting about what happened when his imaginary beetle got a flat tire and Bongo let him borrow his Mini Cooper and took his beetle to the mechanic for him. All at once he said, "Oh, I have to remember to tell Dee-da about that." I asked him who Dee-da was, he said, "Oh, just someone I work with." It was all so matter of fact that I just burst out laughing. What a funny kid.

Tonight at dinner, Jack was staring off into space. I asked him what he was thinking and he said, "I was just thinking that it's about time for us to buy a BMW."

Pretty much sums up the inner workings of my child's brain.

Potty Time

Jack went to the bathroom on the potty 2 times this evening!! Whoo hoo!! It totally came out of no where and I still think we are a ways away from giving up diapers, but we are so proud of him and better yet, he is so proud of himself! Way to go Jack!

Memories

Today was an unbelievably hard day. I can take most things Jack throws at me, but when he's mean to me I just want to roll up in a ball and give up. Today was one of those days. I know he is just testing boundaries, but the kid spent most of the day in time outs, one after another, after another. I know it is largely because his life is getting turned upside down. Adda and Poppi are gone, we are in the process of moving, and Zack is working in San Diego a few days a week. Heck, it's a lot for me to handle and I have over a quarter of a century on this kid. I kept thinking about something I read the other day about not just surviving our children. I try so hard to be in the moment, but today I'm afraid all I did was survive Jack. We had one moment today where I worked through my "I'm off of caffeine again" headache, and we sat and talked about change and how he felt inside. He told me he felt real bad inside and didn't want to move and leave his friends. All I could do was hug him, reassure him that I love him always, and that we would make new friends and always remember our old ones. Such a big lesson for such a small fry.

On a side note, Jack told me today that if he went into the street without holding one of our hands he would be hit by a car and his head would fall off. I was so shocked. I have no idea where he came up with such a gruesome idea! I asked him, and he blamed Zack. Zack however vehemently denies ever saying such a thing to Jack. I told him his head wouldn't fall off, but he kept insisting it would. Finally, I just let him go on believing it. Maybe it will help him not go in the road alone, or maybe 20 years from now I will get to hear him tell the story of how I told him his head would fall off if he went in the street on his own. Hopefully this entry will serve as a record that he came up with that one all on his own.

Jack is also convinced that his teeth will turn green if he doesn't brush them. "Like the Hulk". This one Adda is responsible for. They saw a picture of the Hulk on a trash can during beach week and in response to Jack's questioning why his teeth were green, Adda told him it was because he didn't brush them. Good thinking. Except now he insists on brushing his teeth, and crys in his crib at nap time if he remembers he didn't brush them. I have tried also to be honest with him and tell him chances are his teeth won't be green if he misses one day, but he doesn't believe me. Like I said. Twenty years from now, that one's on Adda's tab. My tab is full...enough believe me. :)

Jack & Zoe Hugs

Zoe is pretty much Jack's best friend right now. I am always amazed at how well the two of them play together. They help each other up when they fall and just overall get a kick out of one another. Of course there are meltdowns. Jack is going to miss sweet Zoe and Maryanne when we move. This video is after their swim lessons one day. And yes, I did edit out the next frame when Jack pushed her. No need to remember that...

Jack's Swimming Lesson #2

Teacher Brittany is AWESOME. This is a video from Jack's second 30 minute lesson with her. He is now on lesson 6 and can swim half the length of a pool, lifts his head to get a new breath, can swim to the stairs, can jump into the pool, turn around and then pull himself up out on the side of the pool. Seriously, the kid is now a fish.